My husband is getting a job with his Indian tribe, which is located in Crescent City, CA. It is a job that he has been wanting, a move that he has been wanting and I'm happy for him, I really am. I've always known that one day a move to Crescent City, CA from Hillsboro, Or (40 min from Portland) would come.
We are leaving Friday, January 21st, 2011. I've lived in the Portland area my whole life, 36 years. I am a big city girl with a big city spirit and mind. Hillsboro has a population of 90,000. Crescent City has a population of 10,000. I am not happy to leave.
My family lives in Portland, my friends live in Portland, Forest Park is in Portland. My kids, ages 9 and 7 have their friends, their life....
A few weeks ago, between a private moment between my husband and I, I cried and it was very heavy and emotional. He was willing to let go of the job to save his marriage, but of course, I wouldn't let him. I love him and want the best for him, he has to take it. I told him that night that I would be okay and adjust and I will.
It is so hard for me to watch my two young children cry about moving, it absolutely breaks my heart.
My girls are slowly adjusting and saying their own goodbyes to their loved ones. My daughter, Kayla who is 7, is having the hardest time. She cries and I cry with her, it's hard for me to stay strong. My daughter Naomi cried at church when she had to say goodbye to her teacher and that same night, my husband cried throughout the whole service, but I did stay strong.
I ran with my very good friend this past Sunday and this coming Sunday is when we have our last run together for awhile, until I return. But, I started trying to find her someone else that she can run with in the forest and I became emotional thinking it was a little hard because I have to leave. But I love my friend and want her to have someone to run with.
Last night, Monday night, my family got together for the Duck game and it was probably the last time we get together for awhile. They were yelling, cursing, laughing, crazy, kids running around, sliding on the floor cheering, dishes being broke, brother willing to give his opinion on everything and my mom said "you are going to miss all of this" and I agreed.
I don't want to go.
I just am wondering how long these powerful emotions are going to keep up. When will we find happiness? How long do I have to hold my little girls because they are so sad?
I wrote on my Facebook wall today, "before you complain about life, think of someone who went to heaven early."
For myself, I am trying to make the most of everything, make the fear of the unknown into a positive.
My friend told me today;
"It's a new chapter in your life. Embrace it! God always works in mysterious ways. Sometimes we don’t like or understand it or at the time, but down the road it will all come together. "