Saturday, May 28, 2011

For for 5/28, 23 miles. The "suffering" run.

There is always that one run in my training that tests my limits. A run that pushes me and pokes at me, trying to get me to break. It starts at mile one and goes all the way to the finish.

Today was that run.

I was supposed to run 22 miles today. But since I have decided to participate in the June 11th, 28 mile training run up at Mt. Hood, I knew I needed to bump up the run. So, today I would run 23. Next weekend I would run 25, 10 and 14, 3 days in a row and then finally the training run.

What made the run today so especially tough was that I had a bad reaction to OTC medication last night and I spent 3 hours throwing up in the middle of the night. Now normally, I would have just cancelled the run and ran on Sunday or even Monday. But, my step daughter is coming today for 2 nights and we haven't seen her since January.

So I spent the morning, trying to get better. When I got to the point of being able to keep water and almonds down, I asked my husband to make me some fried potatoes and scrambled eggs. I ate a big portion and coffee and felt well enough to run.

I however changed my route a bit. Instead of hitting just the trail and the extreme Redwood Forest hills, I opted for a more flat, ocean route. I told my husband as I was leaving to grab my trail shoes and leave them on the front porch because my evil twin was already nagging at me about going to the trail.

Well I found a trail at about mile 5 and went on it for about 1/2 mile. I was feeling fairly good, no major complications, except for 2. There was an ouch on my little toe that I knew was going to get worst unless I got a band-aid and 2. I should have brought a PBJ sandwich instead of almonds. I sat down to look at my little toe and called my husband, asking him to bring some supplies, he lovingly did. It's not like he had to drive far to find me, maybe 1.5 miles. Plus when I asked him earlier "how many people do you know throw up for 3 hours and then head off for a 23 mile run?" and he said "just you." I quickly, put the band-aid on, changed into new socks and my trail shoes. The evil twin won. And, I headed off again.

For the remainder of my run, I was going to be on the trail. I was probably going to be on the trail for about 10 miles. Now, the trail that I originally wanted to be on, I didn't exactly go on. It starts out really steep, and then goes up and down and the ups and downs are steep. I only went on the initial really steep part. Let me explain. All the trails around here start out that way. Even the flat ones, you have to go up first, and then it may or may not get better, depending on the trail. So I went up and up (walked a bunch this time) and then down and over to a kind of flat trail, again kind of flat. Flat enough. I decided that I would go in 4 miles to where I knew there was a bathroom. When I got to the touristy place with the bathroom, I went to one of the stalls, opened it up and there was a man using it! I think I was more embarrassed than he was. Ooops. Well the locks don't work. When he got out, I promised him that I didn't see anything and I didn't and he was cool. I waited around the bathrooms for about 10-15 min because I was beginning to have stomach problems again and I was at about15 miles, 8 more to go. Even after I used the bathroom, I still continued to suffer from these stomach issues for the remainder of the run, but it was controlled.

For the remainder of the run, I walked more than I normally would. The combination of my throwing up last night and my stomach issues, I was beaten down. I finished the run on the road, running back to my house.

Now, I feel tired, little sore in my neck and upper body, but overall, not bad. I'm really looking forward to bed tonight....and my husband getting home to make dinner. Tacos?

Run for May 28th: 23 miles in 4:30.

Friday, May 27, 2011

Lonely, but never alone

One night a man had a dream.
He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene, he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand: one belonging to him, and the other to the Lord.
When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand.
He noticed that many times along the path of his life there was only one set of footprints.
He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in his life.
This really bothered him and he questioned the Lord about it.
“Lord, You said that once I decided to follow you, You’d walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, there is only one set of footprints. I don’t understand why when I needed you most you would leave me.”
The Lord replied, “My son, My precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.”
- Author Unknown

"I feel like I too am being carried by my Lord through my transitioning period, I miss my family. He is holding me tight and carrying me. His spirit is crying for me. He hates to see me so sad. I am trying so hard to break free from my sadness, it's hard. Although, I look alright on the outside, I feel heartbroken and alone. My human spirit is crying out. I run to my God for help. I have asked for his angels to completely surround me, guide me and protect me. I feel his warmth and love. So while I am trying so hard to come back, I am weak, I can't come out of it alone. The Lord is carrying me."~Jeannie

LEE CARR - Rain lyrics 

You ever felt like, it's just raining
but it's only raining on you?

Have you ever woke up and felt like you didn't wanna live today?
And have you ever felt like the person you used to be has gone away?
If you feel like you're running and there's nowhere for you to hide
With the world on your shoulder, you hope that it gets better with time

It's like when it rains and it all falls down on your pillow
It's like when it rains and there's nobody there to turn to
It's like when it rains and you can't get out of it
It's like when it rains and you don't know where it will end
It's like when it rains
It's like when it rains
It's like when it rains

Have you ever looked in the mirror and didn't recognize your own face?
The days don't seem to get any clearer, you wish you could just fade away
I know what it feels like, when there's no one for you call
With the world on your shoulder, you hope that it gets better with time

It's like when it rains and it all falls down on your pillow
It's like when it rains and there's nobody there to turn to
It's like when it rains and you can't get out of it
It's like when it rains and you don't know where it will end
It's like when it rains
It's like when it rains
It's like when it rains

So don't run away from grey winds falling,
Open your eyes and realize it's only temporary,
It's gonna be ok

It's like when it rains and it all falls down on your pillow
It's like when it rains and there's nobody there to turn to
It's like when it rains and you can't get out of it
It's like when it rains and you don't know where it will end
It's like when it rains
It's like when it rains
It's like when it rains 

Friday song/video of the day, a Memorial Day Tribute

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Why do I run?

I am running 52 miles this week. I have my schedule planned out between now and my 2nd 50 mile run. I will run if it is pouring down rain, sunny, snowing, Tsunami, etc. Nothing will stop me. If I have to run, I do. I'll get up to running 56 miles in a week and I will run 50 miles in 3 days as training.

As a result of all this running I will eat a ton, keep my pain killers near by, gain a few blisters, suffer during training runs, walk like it hurts and sweat like a son of a b****. I will carry bear pepper spray as I run through the Redwood Forest and just hope with all my might, I won't encounter any cougars.

I started this training period afraid to run. See my previous blog.

My 2nd 50 miler is scheduled for 7/30/2011 and I am excited. It is the Mt. Hood 50.
I am running a training marathon on 6/25/2011. I am actually scheduled for 31 miles that day, so I'll an extra 5 miles.
So why do I run? Why do I train? I can list all the little things, like it keeps me in shape, I care about my health or I'm setting a good example for my family. But, I don't think those things are enough for me to run all alone, 50+ miles in a week and in unpredictable weather conditions. I do it because, I love it. There is such a huge satisfaction in running huge distance for me. When I was training for my first marathon, every higher distance was that much more satisfying than the last. I would come home and say with excitement, "ask me how many miles I just ran!" Having moved to a small coastal town, I don't have anyone that wants to run with me. I run alone. (Well I admit, I had only a handful of folks that were willing to go with me when I lived in Portland.) Sure I'll bring my dog most times. But it is usually just myself and my IPOD and I'm not complaining. This past weekend, I ran 20 miles. I was alone in the woods, no dog, no IPOD, just me, myself and I for 4 1/2 hours. I think you really have to be at peace with yourself to be able to do that. You know and it really is peaceful. Have two little ones at home, it's sometimes the only time I can think without interruption.

I read an inspirational blog the other day and in the blog were these words:

“Find a race that you think is out of your league and sign up before you have a chance to talk yourself out of it. Next, tell all your friends and family about it to make sure you won’t back out!”  

I am running the Sunriver marathon on 6/25, the Mt. Hood 50 on 7/30 and I will run my first 100 miler 9/2012. It is the Rio Del Lago. You see, I am careful in deciding which runs that I choose. I train well and I train hard. The runs get inside me emotionally, I become very emotionally connected to all of them. I believe because of these reasons, I am successful. 

I am told often by others that they just can't seem to find the motivation to exercise. I try telling them to find something that they enjoy and make it your thing, become good at it.

Now while, my husband has told me that he has seen ADHD qualities in me and he may be right as at times, I can just feel the adrenaline inside me and I have this burning desire to exercise. I have found a website that lists 31 ways to motivate yourself to exercise.

My first marathon 10/2005. Man that first one hurt! Funny how 26.2 is now a training run
  1. How you feel after a workout. I always feel great after a good workout. It’s a high. And I let that motivate me the next time: “You know how good you’re going to feel, Leo!”
  2. Time for you. While many people make time to take care of others (kids, spouse, other family, co-workers, boss), they don’t often make time to take care of themselves. Instead, make your “you” time a priority, and don’t miss that exercise appointment.
  3. Calories burned. If you count calories (and it’s really one of the most effective ways to lose weight), you know that the more you exercise, the more calories you burn — and the bigger your calorie deficit.
  4. Having fun. Exercise should be fun. If it isn’t, try a different kind of activity that you enjoy. As long as you’re moving, it’s good for you.
  5. How you’re going to look. Imagine a slimmer, fitter you. Now let that visualization drive you.
  6. Magazines. It motivates me to read fitness magazines. Not sure why, but it works.
  7. Cover models. Sure, they’re genetically freaky, and probably Photoshopped to look perfect. But for some reason, looking at how good a cover model looks helps motivate me to work harder.
  8. Blogs. I enjoy reading blogs about people who are into running, or losing weight. It can show the ups and downs they go through, and you can learn from their experiences.
  9. Success stories. I find the success stories of others incredibly inspirational. If a fitness website has success stories, I’ll almost always read them.
  10. Forums. Do the monthly challenge on the Zen Habits forums, or join another forum full of like-minded or like-goaled peopled. Check in daily. It really helps.
  11. Rewards. If you exercise for a few days, give yourself a reward! A week? Another reward. Do it often in the beginning.
  12. Fitting into new clothes. Wanna look good in a smaller size? Work out!
  13. Being attractive. That’s always a good motivator, as I’m sure we all know. Edited to correct language.
  14. Adrenaline rush. I get a rush when I exercise. Ride that rush to complete the workout.
  15. Stress relief. Wound up after a long day at the office? Get out and work off that stress. It makes a world of difference.
  16. Time for contemplation. I love, love the quiet time of exercise for thinking about things. Most of this post was written in my head as I exercised.
  17. A workout partner. Best thing I’ve done.
  18. An exercise class. Sign up for a class, perhaps with a friend, and you’ll be motivated to get there and work out.
  19. A coach or trainer. Worth the money, just for the motivation.
  20. An exercise log/graph. For some reason, writing it down is extremely important. Really. Do it for a week and you’ll see what I mean.
  21. Your before picture. You often don’t realize how far you’ve come. Take pictures.
  22. A 5K race or triathlon. Just sign up for one, and you’ll be motivated to train.
  23. The dread of feeling “yuck” from not exercising. I hate how I feel after not exercising. So I remind myself of that when I feel tired.
  24. Living long enough to see your grandkids … and play with them.
  25. The scale. It’s not motivating to weigh yourself every day, as your weight fluctuates. But if you weigh yourself once a week, you’ll be motivated to have it keep going down, instead of up. Combine the scale with the measuring tape, and measure your waist.
  26. Reaching a goal. Set a goal for weight, or your waist measurement, or a number of days to work out, or a number of miles to run this week. Setting and tracking a goal helps motivate you to complete that goal. Make it easily achievable.
  27. Posting it on your blog. Tell people you’re going to lose weight or exercise daily, and report to them. You’ll make it happen.
  28. Motivational quotes. I like to print them out or put them on my computer desktop.
  29. Books. I just bought a strength-training book as a reward. It makes me want to hit the weights!
  30. Others commenting on how good you look. When someone notices the changes in your body, it feels good. And it makes you want to work out more. 
  31. An upcoming day at the beach, or a reunion. Nuff said.

Friday, May 20, 2011

Friday's song of the week with video and autobiography. My choice might surprise you.

I'm never going to admit that I like Marilyn Manson. He's a total freak and a bad influence on everyone. But, I'm afraid, he gets the song(s) of the week. I've been putting off making him the song(s) choice for a few months now. So lets just get this over with. In order of the songs that I have grown to like. The first is Sweet Dreams. This was the first song of his that I liked. I heard the version when I was in my early 20's on a movie and it took me awhile to figure out who sang the unusual, scary version. The 2nd song that I grew to like is The Beautiful People. It's scary, it's horrible, but it grew on me. Lastly, it's uh, wait I have to look  up the name...oh, Doll-Dagga Buzz-Buzz Ziggety-Zag.

So what is going on with the naive Christian girl from a small coastal town, choosing Mr. Manson songs as the Friday song of the week? Well..... You know, I listen to all three songs when I'm in a bitchy mood and it really calms me down. When I'm running and one comes on, I say "oh"

Marilyn Manson, the bad boy of Rock. Here is a little something about Mr. Manson that I bet the majority of people don't know about. His birth name is Brian Hugh Warner. He was born January 5, 1969. His stage name was formed from juxtaposing the names of Marilyn Monroe and Charles Manson. He was born in Canton Ohio. His grandfather's sexual fetishes influenced him and unfortunately, his childhood looks like an episode of Law and Order, SVU. He was molested several times by a neighbor. He attended his mother's Episcopalian. He then attended a Christian school from first grade to tenth grade. He then to a high school in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. He graduated in 1987, and went to college at a community school in 1990, going for a degree in journalism. He gained experience by writing music articles for a South Florida magazine.
For further reading;

By the way, I can't watch these videos, too scary. I'd have nightmares for a week!

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Almost swimsuit season

Like most women, I dread swimsuit season. My husband thinks and begs for me to go and buy a bikini. Uh what? I feel that just because I am training for my 2nd 50, doesn't make me qualified to wear a bikini. I've had two kids and things don't exactly go back to where they originated. Plus, my body is used to running. (See below) I don't think of it as exercise, it's training. I can't tell you the last time I exercised. A bikini? How embarrassing, I think. Okay, so I am also very self conscious. I admit. But nope, I don't have a teenagers body. I'm 36 and refuse to starve myself just to look like how I think the world portrays women in bikinis.  I may not have the body like the woman to the right, but I can hold my own. If I can just get over my embarrassment, I'll be good to go. I'll be like Sue in the latest episode of the Middle. She took forever to pick out a bikini and when she finally did, she wore a shirt at the pool, never taking it off to show off her bikini.


To prepare for swimsuit season, I started a diet about 3 weeks ago. It's the diet of quit eating when you're not hungry anymore and don't eat till your hungry. It was working really good, I lost 3 pounds in a week and a inch and a half in my waist. Well I said it was going good. I'm still kind of doing it, but come on, eating is fun! I had this candy bar that my husband just had to buy for me and it was calling my name and so I ate it, the whole thing!

A bikini? Well it doesn't hurt to go look and maybe try on a few. Ughhh! Shall be a depressing day.

Never Changing Your Workout
When you do the same thing day after day, you get very good at it. In exercise this is called the principle of adaptation. It basically means that we become very efficient by doing the same exercise over and over. This is great for sports performance, but not that great for weight lose, strength increases or physical fitness progression. If you always do the same workout for the same amount of time you will eventually hit a plateau where you fail to see any additional change. One way of overcoming this plateau is to modify your workouts every few weeks or months. You can change the type of exercise you do, the length, the amount of weight lifted or the number or reps. This is why professional athletes change their program during the off-season.

Monday, May 16, 2011

To Pee or not to pee

This was a great article, thought I'd share it with all of you~

I myself have always leaned towards being actually quite, shy. I'd rather hold it, most of the time. Well today, I went. I do believe that I've gone 3 times now out in the wild. I used the pull the shorts aside method and squat a little. Of course I didn't bring anything to wipe with so I used a leaf and having my dog stare at me the whole time, I grabbed him by his collar and dragged him away so he wouldn't smell it. Oh, he would have. He has eaten my friends poop before!~Jeannie

To Pee Or Not to Pee -October 2008
If you're serious about making time, let 'er rip
By Catherine Bodry

New runners are shocked and repulsed when they hear about it, but seasoned distance runners shrug nonchalantly, immune to embarrassment. They know that relieving themselves publicly and in their clothes is just a fact of the distance runner's life. Though the practice is less common in races longer than marathons, those racing to the finish line or dueling with a competitor in ultra-distance races are known to forgo seclusion as well.

Ultrarunner Krissy Moehl, 30, recalls her first ultra race, the 2000 Chuckanut 50K, where she found herself on course-record pace and needing to urinate: "I came from a track background where every second counts, and I didn't want to take the time to stop."

Stepping primly off the trail to do your business in private could cost you at least a minute or two. Multiply that by several stops in a marathon and you can realize the potential time savings. Ladies especially have even more to lose-they've got to pop a squat on exhausted legs. And although men can just turn their backs and take aim, that doesn't stop many of them from keeping their pace and relieving themselves in their running briefs.

Elite runner Jane Wiebe, 50, of Homer, Alaska, recalls urinating during the 1979 Honolulu Marathon, her first win. "I needed to pee and it was pouring rain, so it seemed harmless enough, but it was very, very difficult to get my body to go along with the idea of peeing while running," says Wiebe. "I did accomplish it eventually, and won the race, which led to numerous invitations that led to the apex of my marathon career." Wiebe went on to win, among others, the Deseret News, Emerald City (twice) and Stockholm marathons, and placed sixth in Boston and second in Tokyo.

Going the Distance
Ultrarunners usually have enough time to find a bush, and because races can last 24 hours or more it's best that they do stop during the earlier parts of a race. "Urine changes the pH of skin," says Mayo Clinic urologist Christopher Wolter. "It breaks down the stratum corium-the most superficial layer of skin-and leads to chafing." When urine dries, it leaves behind byproducts that sweat or rain don't, and these can cause a dermatitis reaction, especially if your skin cracks.

Therefore, Wolter cautions against an ultra-distance cycle of wet-dry-wet-dry. Instead, save the shorts wetting for those last miles. Indeed, after peeing during her first ultra, Moehl asserts, "Never again! The shower after that race was the most painful ever. The chafing that the wet shorts caused was unbelievable."

A Little Privacy, Please?
If you're apprehensive about the practice but serious enough about your running to give it a try, here are few tips to make that wet spot less noticeable-and painful:

Dump water all over yourself. I usually end up doing this anyway, on accident, as I try to run and drink at the same time. Splash some down your front and it'll simply look like you tried to cool yourself down.

Wear dark-colored shorts. The wet spot that will show up on your lime green shorts will blend in on darker colors.
Bring a change of clothes. After a long trail race, you'll probably want some stashed anyway.

Save energy and time. If you're a female and just can't bring yourself to urinate in your shorts, step behind a bush, pull your shorts aside and go standing up. This method will relieve your legs of having to squat, keep your shorts dry and still save time.

Wear polyester-nylon blend underpants and shorts. They dry quickly and wick moisture away from your skin.

If you're a trail runner in a shorter race, you have an advantage over road runners in the public urination department-privacy. You're not likely to encounter a throng of fans spanning your entire race, like at the Boston Marathon. But if you are caught in the act, just continue running with pride. After all, you've just proven yourself to be a hardcore distance runner, one that stops for nothing-not even nature's call.

Number-Two Etiquette
If you're running a 50K or longer, chances are you'll need to relieve more than just your bladder. But you'll need to pay more attention to how you dispose of your waste, since fecal matter is more toxic, and thus less environmentally unfriendly, than urine.

Always thoroughly bury your waste at least 200 feet away from any water source in a "cat-hole," a hole six to eight inches deep; simply use a sharp rock or the heel of your shoe to dig it. In arid lands, avoid washes and dig your hole on a south-facing slope slightly shallower so the sun can hit it and break down pathogens.

Bury toilet paper in your cat-hole unless you're in the desert, in which case you should pack it out. In arid climates, toilet paper decomposes much more slowly, so there is a chance wildlife will discover it or it will wash out in a storm. Also consider "natural" toilet paper-rocks, leaves and snow are all options.

Wildlife also like the salts in your urine, so dilute it either with water or by peeing on gravel or pine needles.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Celebration of Life

"Don't let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do."

You only get one life. This is yours, live it. 

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Another day in paradise

I was walking my youngest daughter to her church group the other day and we were talking about how little kids normally can't wait to get older and how grown-ups wished they were kids again. It seemed the older you got, the more responsibilities you have. Ironically, she said she wished she were a baby because they don't have to do anything. They just sleep, eat and cry.

This was the same daughter who always tells me when I take my girls to school, "don't say I love you to me when I open the door, it's embarrassing!" When my husband drove them to school, she said "don't say I love you to me when I open the door, it's embarrassing!" So, he rolls down the windows when she gets out of the car and yells her name and says, "I love you!" She turns bright red.

I about had a heart attack when my oldest said to me today, "Mom, tomorrow, I'm going to college!" Uh what? She meant for a field trip.

My kids lately have been seeing my husband and I kissing and hugging a lot and they give the normal response, "Yuck, so gross!" It was one evening when I was tucking them into bed, when I said "when your dad and I kiss, it means we love each other and it's a good thing, it is better than seeing us fight all the time, isn't it?" They both agreed.

On another afternoon, I'm picking my oldest daughter up from school, like I normally do. I park in the parking lot and wait for her. When she sees my car, she crosses the small parking lot over to my car. She's been doing this since January. Well this woman teacher, whom I think is a little pushy with the kids, is standing next to her and speaking to her. I see her turn red, she is embarrassed. The teacher starts walking over to my car and explains to me that I need to get out of the car and walk her across the parking lot. It's about 8'. I'm thinking, okay, my daughter is 10, she certainly knows how to cross a cross walk to get to me and besides don't tell me what to do and don't belittle my daughter. But, I heard my brother's voice in my head "just tell her what she want's to hear and do what you want instead. So, I said, "I understand, thank you!" I then told my daughter, "you've been walking over to me since January and you've never been caught, just keep doing it." My phone then rings, it's her old eye doctor, a phone call that I've been waiting for. I'm pulled over to the side of the road and I'm talking to him on my cell phone. Four minutes into the conversation, my daughter starts panicking! Right on her backpack, in the front seat with her, is a spider. She was having a major fit! I excused myself to the doctor and told her to go sit in the back!

I am also really bad about being woken up in the middle of the night. I always tell my kids to not wake me up unless there is a stranger in the house, it's on fire or they are bleeding from their eyeballs. I am mean, I know, but I can't help myself. I think it is from all those times they woke me up during the nursing stage. 2 kids=2 years of sleepless nights, yup no fun.

Being a parent means no sleep, fun times, fevers and colds, hugs and kisses, rolled eyes, milestone moments, dealing with boyfriends or girlfriends, lots of moments to defend your child, proud moments, not so proud moments, constant messes. But in a blink of an eye, they are grown up.....

Raising kids is hard, but mostly enjoyable; it's full of ups and down, tears and smiles. If your family is like mine, it looks like the clip below, spiders and all.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Marriage: For better or for worse, till death do we part?

You’re standing up in front of a room full of family and friends. You just paid a ton of money on the wedding of your dreams. You look at your spouse and mouth "I love you forever." You recite your vows that go something like this;  "I, _____, take you, ______, to be my wedded husband. With deepest joy I come into my new life with you. As you have pledged to me your life and love, so I too happily give you my life, and in confidence submit myself to your headship as to the Lord. As is the church in her relationship to Christ, so I will be to you. _____, I will live first unto our God and then unto you, loving you, obeying you, caring for you and ever seeking to please you. God has prepared me for you and so I will ever strengthen, help, comfort, and encourage you. Therefore, throughout life, no matter what may be ahead of us, I pledge to you my life as an obedient and faithful wife." The lady in the back room who has been divorced 4 times is thinking "at least until someone better comes along!" Am I right? So what happens? In 2-10 years and a few kids later (hopefully not), your headed for divorce court with the spouse whom you apparently now hate and crying little ones.

 It is my opinion that people get divorce too easily. 

Marriages are full of problems. You are two unique individuals and are bound to have conflict. People grow and people change. Sorry men, your wife will indeed change on you and women, your hunky, wonderful husband is going to change on you. Marriage is designed for you to grow and change, work through your problems. Stay together! 

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 ~ Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is
not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or
resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right. Love bears all things,
believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

I hear often, "I am just not in love with him anymore!" Are you sure? Are you sure it isn't the feeling that you are currently having right now? A feeling that could change based on a different circumstance? Try, really, really, really try to work through your differences with the attitude that you will do anything and everything to make it work out. You took vows and all marriages can be fixed. Find a way.

1 Peter 4:8 ~ Above all hold unfailing your love for one another, since love covers a multitude of sins.

I think the only reason anyone should ever get a divorce is infidelity and domestic violence.
Below is a current divorce rate per country. It's upsetting.

In ranking order of most divorces:

# 1  
United States:
4.95 per 1,000 people 

# 2  
Puerto Rico:
4.47 per 1,000 people 

# 3  
3.36 per 1,000 people 

# 4  
United Kingdom:
3.08 per 1,000 people 

# 5  
2.81 per 1,000 people 

# 6  
New Zealand:
2.63 per 1,000 people 

# 7  
2.52 per 1,000 people 

# 8  
2.46 per 1,000 people 

# 9  
1.85 per 1,000 people 

# 10  
1.21 per 1,000 people 

# 11  
1.18 per 1,000 people 

# 12  
0.97 per 1,000 people 

# 13  
0.88 per 1,000 people 

# 14  
0.83 per 1,000 people 

# 15  
0.82 per 1,000 people 

# 16  
0.8 per 1,000 people 

# 17  
0.79 per 1,000 people 

# 18  
0.76 per 1,000 people 

# 19  
0.72 per 1,000 people 

# 20  
0.68 per 1,000 people 

# 21  
0.65 per 1,000 people 

# 22  
0.58 per 1,000 people 

# 23  
0.47 per 1,000 people 

# 24  
0.42 per 1,000 people 

# 25  
El Salvador:
0.41 per 1,000 people 

# 26  
0.39 per 1,000 people 

= 27  
0.38 per 1,000 people 

= 27  
0.38 per 1,000 people 

= 29  
0.37 per 1,000 people 

= 29  
0.37 per 1,000 people 

# 31  
0.33 per 1,000 people 

# 32  
0.27 per 1,000 people 

# 33  
0.26 per 1,000 people 

# 34  
Sri Lanka:
0.15 per 1,000 people

My husband and I were married in 2002, 9 years ago. We have a daughter that is 10. We had a very rocky start to our marriage. I'd have to say that overall, there were more downs than ups. But as of today, we love each other and rarely fight. We've learned to work through our problems even the ugliest ones.

One of the things that was lacking in our relationship and it is my fault, was intimacy. I don't mean just sex, I mean hand holding, cuddling, hugging, kissing, and flirting.

God designed sex as a gift for married couples to enjoy within their marriage. 

There was one moment in our relationship that we were fighting badly. It was UGLY! To this day, I have know idea why we were even fighting. I was so convinced that I was going to divorce him and told him that I was going to do so. At the point, it was probably the 100th time I've threatened him. It was that day that I had the idea to make love everyday for a month and we did. It really brought us closer together as a couple. His little annoyances went away. I saw him as not only my husband, but my lover and friend. He said to me one day that he really cherishes this time in our marriage. After the month was over, we didn't keep it up every day, but made it very regular.

I am afraid that when my Dad had his stroke, that is when our marriage again started going downhill. We stopped being intimate. Even writing about my Dad's strokes, I feel pain inside, it hurt me so badly. That night of his stroke, we didn't know if he would live or die and it took him more than a month to recover in the hospital. I have my Dad back, but he isn't the same, has trouble with his speech.

When my family moved from Oregon to California, it was very hard on me and I went through a depression and I was angry. I missed Oregon, my family, friends. I didn't want to move, but I moved because my husband had the opportunity for a better position, with greater opportunity. How could I ever tell him that I didn't want to move with him? He's my husband, for better or worse. My depression kept up for a long time and it wasn't until his recent business trip to Phoenix that I chose to have a better attitude about life. I've done a blog entry on my experience with moving. Life is short, why continue being upset with a hard heart? When he came back, is when we started being intimate again and we still are.

I love him very much. I respect him as a person. We still have problems, what marriage doesn't? But we both know that you have to depend on yourself for your own happiness, no one can make you happy, only yourself. And, intimacy is very important in a marriage, even if it's sitting close on the couch, lending a helping hand, holding hands, a daily hug and make the time to do these things.  

I love the girl who believed in me before I believed in myself. I love the girl who never complained about huge school bills and books and hot apartments and rented junky furniture and no vacations and humble little Volkswagen's. You have been with me-encouraging me, loving me and supporting me since August 27, 1960. And the status you have given me in our home is beyond what I have deserved.

So Why do I want to go on living? It's because I have you to take that journey with. Otherwise, why make the trip? The half life that lies ahead promises to be tougher than the years behind us...Everything within me screams "No!" But my Dad's final prayer is still valid-"We know it can't always be the way it is now." When that time comes, our childhoods will then be severed-cut off by the passing of the beloved parents who bore us.

What then, my sweet wife? To whom will I turn for solace and comfort? To whom can I say, "I'm hurting!" and know that I am understood in more than an abstract manner? To whom can I turn when the summer leaves begin to change colors and fall to the ground? How much I have enjoyed the springtime and the warmth of the summer sun...But alas, autumn is coming. Even now, i can feel a little nip in the air-and I try not to look at a distant, lone cloud that passes near the horizon. I must face the fact that winter lies ahead-with its ice and sleet and snow to pierce us through. But in the instance, winter will not be followed by springtime, except in the glory of the life to come. With whom, then, will I spend that final season f my life?

None but you, Shirls. The only joy of the future will be in experiencing it as we have the past twenty-one years-hand in hand with the one I love...a young miss named Shirley Deere, who gave me everything she had-including her heart.

Thank you, babe, for making this journey with me. let's finish it-together!

Your Jim

That is known as marital bonding!

Passage written by James C. Dobson