Saturday, August 20, 2011

"Love is like grass" A story that involves me opening up to my readers.

"Love is like grass. If you fall on it, it may leave a stain and some temporary pain. But you'll get over the pain, it will eventually stop hurting.Now maybe the stain ruined your favorite pair of jeans, or maybe it was nothing special that was ruined, but either way the stain remains there. And with time, it will begin to fade, but it will always be there, a permanent reminder that you, too, once fell"

Today I was thinking about my father and how we used to have a lot of wonderful conversations prior to his stroke almost 2 years ago. In just one afternoon, his world gets completely turned upside down. 1 day he is fine, the next, he has a stroke.

With the combination of his stroke and his Dementia kicking in, it's challenging for him. He can't communicate well. He knows what he wants to say,but can't get the words to come out. He in turn, gives up. He says "oh forget it!" I often wonder how upsetting it is for him. He wants to talk to his family and friends, but finds it very challenging. So what he does is withdrawal from others.

Once again, my father is in the hospital. This time it is for chest pains and a blocked artery. While he is going to be fine, I find myself both sad and mad.

I am sad because he is my dad and I love him. I miss our conversations. I am upset that I had to move away to another state. I miss my dad. When he hurts, I do too.

I am mad because it seems that too many people in this world throw away relationships and they unable to forgive and love. I know people who refuse to forgive a parent, they refuse to pick up the phone and make things right, when they know they should. I know people that won't talk to their own children and I know people who have thrown away marriages instead of working things out.

“To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. In return, you will receive untold peace and happiness.”

Life is too short for grudges.

You know, I have a tendency to push people away? I feel that the hurts that I've experienced in my life, I have become such a private person, really only opening up to those that I know that I can trust. I've heard complaints that I am not an open person. But to fully open up to someone, to share your inner most thoughts and desires, knowing you will not be judged, that takes trust. I have found that I can write in my blog, I feel that I am able to fully express my feelings. I know that I will publish these writings for all the world to see, I am still able to do so.

"We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone-but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy."
A photo of my siblings and father. I'm the youngest.

My only hope is that as my Dad's health progresses from bad to worse, I won't withdrawal. I will still go and see him. I fear of the opposite. I fear that I will withdrawal and it will only hurt me.

Many nights, I go to sleep sad, wake up in the middle of the night with a heart that hurts. ♥♥

I still have that chance and I am blessed.

Love you Dad~


  1. Very nice post Jeannie. Very touching and personal.

    Thanks for sharing,


  2. I have great news since writing! He is apparently doing way better since getting his arteries cleaned out. He is acting better, talking better, being more social. This makes my mom happier and myself. No he isn't better like before the stroke, but he seems to be feeling better. What a blessing.I even spoke to him on the phone as it is his birthday. I wish I could drive up to see him.