"Love is like grass" A story that involves me opening up to my readers.

"Love is like grass. If you fall on it, it may leave a stain and some temporary pain. But you'll get over the pain, it will eventually stop hurting.Now maybe the stain ruined your favorite pair of jeans, or maybe it was nothing special that was ruined, but either way the stain remains there. And with time, it will begin to fade, but it will always be there, a permanent reminder that you, too, once fell"

Today I was thinking about my father and how we used to have a lot of wonderful conversations prior to his stroke almost 2 years ago. In just one afternoon, his world gets completely turned upside down. 1 day he is fine, the next, he has a stroke.

With the combination of his stroke and his Dementia kicking in, it's challenging for him. He can't communicate well. He knows what he wants to say,but can't get the words to come out. He in turn, gives up. He says "oh forget it!" I often wonder how upsetting it is for him. He wants to talk to his family and friends, but finds it very challenging. So what he does is withdrawal from others.

Once again, my father is in the hospital. This time it is for chest pains and a blocked artery. While he is going to be fine, I find myself both sad and mad.

I am sad because he is my dad and I love him. I miss our conversations. I am upset that I had to move away to another state. I miss my dad. When he hurts, I do too.

I am mad because it seems that too many people in this world throw away relationships and they unable to forgive and love. I know people who refuse to forgive a parent, they refuse to pick up the phone and make things right, when they know they should. I know people that won't talk to their own children and I know people who have thrown away marriages instead of working things out.

“To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. In return, you will receive untold peace and happiness.”

Life is too short for grudges.

You know, I have a tendency to push people away? I feel that the hurts that I've experienced in my life, I have become such a private person, really only opening up to those that I know that I can trust. I've heard complaints that I am not an open person. But to fully open up to someone, to share your inner most thoughts and desires, knowing you will not be judged, that takes trust. I have found that I can write in my blog, I feel that I am able to fully express my feelings. I know that I will publish these writings for all the world to see, I am still able to do so.

"We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone-but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy."

A photo of my siblings and father. I'm the youngest.

My only hope is that as my Dad's health progresses from bad to worse, I won't withdrawal. I will still go and see him. I fear of the opposite. I fear that I will withdrawal and it will only hurt me.

Many nights, I go to sleep sad, wake up in the middle of the night with a heart that hurts. ♥♥

I still have that chance and I am blessed.

Love you Dad~

My secluded running trail

There is a trail in the Redwood Forest that I was introduced to by Mr. R. Hirt, a 74 year old Ultra Marathon runner. He has ran the Western States 100 several times and still participates in 100's, 50's, 50K's.

When I run on this trail, I rarely see anyone. I think I have seen less than 10 people since we moved to town January of 1011. Most of them were on horses. For any locals reading this, I just gave you a clue to where I like to run. For safety reasons,  I don't like to publicly announce where I run.

Another trail hooks on to this trail and that is a trail where all the tourist go, it's a drivable trail. The trees are of course pretty. The tourist also like to go to a overly populated trail known as the boy scout trail. I find it boring, even as a hike. I find the trees on my deserted trail much prettier and I like the secluded part of my trail, makes it more mysterious. I even like the initial huge hill, lucky for me, it's getting easier.  I wish people would research more when they decide to come up to the Redwoods. I wish people could see what I've seen. Even hiking with my family, they just don't go far enough.

Today, I even noticed a tree that I have gone by many times. I mean, I really noticed and it is extremely huge, it's width and height. I wish others could see it. It's a shame. Really.

I have even noticed that people who drive on the drivable trail, drive too fast, even when they appear to go slow. You really appreciate beauty more when it's done with repetition and patience.

I don't make a habit of carrying a camera with me while I run, but have seen these "special and hidden" trees many times.  Most of the trees that I have photographed have been while hiking.

I drove by this tree numerous of times, until the day that I ran by and saw someone peeking inside of it. You can actually walk inside the tree. The view is really neat and I wonder how many other hollow trees are in the forest that nobody knows about?

I've driven and ran by this stump numerous of times before realizing you can walk to the top of it.

 Perhaps I should carry a camera.

Gray Whale Watching in Klamath, Ca

As of August, 12th, 2012, it has been 52 days since the gray whale entered the Klamath River and she is beginning to deteriorate, she is showing signs of wear and her behavior for wild animals isn't normal. The whale is swimming around the U.S. Highway 1001 bridge in Klamath. Her calf was with her but has gone back to the ocean. There have been efforts to get her to go back to the ocean, all failed. She is being monitored by biologists.

Other thoughts on the Mt. Hood 50

"Running is a big question mark that's there each and every day. It asks you, 'Are you going to be a wimp or are you going to be strong today?'" Peter Maher'

Running the Mt. Hood 50 has been a goal of mine for about 2 years. So why have I not been thrilled to have completed it?

Most everyone knows that when we moved from Oregon to a Northern California small coastal town in January of this year that I was seriously depressed for months. Running became everything to me. I felt like it was all I had. I knew that if I became injured and couldn't run, my depression would be so much greater. Unfortunately, I injured my hamstring twice in one week in early May I think and had to drop out of a 50K to save my Mt. Hood 50. Plan worked. I healed. Lets not do that again.

In June and part of July, I helped a teenager for 30 days with extreme emotional problems and a hard home life. It began to affect me also because she is a loved one.

Training for the 50 became hard physically after I ran 31 miles, all my long runs were a struggle, I was tired. A few runs, I threw up in the forest. But I got through each of them. You can't tell me to stay home because of a cold or apparently flu or throwing up because of bad reactions to of the counter drugs. I think all of my struggles made me stronger, mentally and physically. A few runner friends got upset with me for still going out and running when I should have, but I just can't help myself. I mean, I wasn't dying.  My legs worked fine.

After my loved one went back home from visiting, I began my + self talk, but I kept hearing in my mind, you're going to totally finish this.

Running this 50, the excitement wasn't there like when I ran my first. The week leading  up to it, I was nervous, very nervous and not very excited.

Even have ran it, I'm not beaming with pride. I'm not thinking about it and glowing to myself like I was before. I think, yup did it! Now what?

Normally with every race, I get very emotionally attached to the runs. It gets in me, I even try to friend everyone running the race on Facebook so that we can experience it together. If I have to drop out of a race due to injury, it's always devastating. I think this is the reason why I successful at the races. I think "I am going to run this or die trying!" I feel that I have to run it, I have to finish. It is a need for me, not a want. This emotional need was there for the Mt. Hood 50, I was just so distracted by life.This is the reason why if you look back at my race report write up, it mostly is about how I felt running the race, how I felt afterwards. Where as some of my friends that ran the race, they talk about what was going on between aid stations, much more analytical and detailed.

Perhaps I am just a mileage junky. Remember when I mentioned that during marathon training, every mileage was just so much more exciting than the last. Well I ran my first 50 in Oct of 2010, 2nd in 2011. I've done it, I know I can do a 50 and really feel that a 100 is so achievable.

Other things that I wanted to mention about the 50 is that there was this girl that had passed me at mile 20 I guess. She passes me and mentions that she knew she was going to fast as she already fell 3 times. Well shortly after she passed me she falls again and I said "well that makes 4!" I have no idea who she was, but wished I knew how she finished the race.

"I tell our runners to divide the race into thirds. Run the first part with your head, the middle part with your personality, and the last part with your heart." Mike Fanelli (I took this advice at the Mt. Hood 50)




"The body does not want you to do this. As you run, it tells you to stop but the mind must be strong. You always go too far for your body. You must handle the pain with strategy...It is not age; it is not diet. It is the will to succeed." Jacqueline Gareau 

From 50 miles to 100 miles, a goal worth achieving

"Every higher distance was much more exciting than the last!" These were the words that I said during marathon training and why I chose to move on to Ultra Marathons.


I have now ran my 2nd 50 mile distance. So what is next? 

I am going to run my 3rd 50 on October 29th. I am returning back to the race of my first 50, Autumn Leaves in Champoeg, Or. After that I will rest for a few months (not really) until I start an eight month training schedule for my first 100.


I was very hesitant in choosing to run my first 50. I didn't see accomplishing the distance in my head for quite awhile and if I can't see it, I can't achieve it. Finally I did. Originally my first 50 was going to be Mt. Hood. But that was a goal that got put on hold thanks to a huge plantar wart that crippled my training. Once that was removed by pretty much force with a lot of scraping and laser treatments, I decided to run the Autumn Leaves race instead as my first. Autumn Leaves was basically a road run, some trail, but it went around a loop 8 times. I ran that in 9:55 and have now just completed my 2nd 50, the Mt. Hood 50 in a minute shy of 12 hours. 


I have decided for training for my 3rd 50, I will tweak the schedule to work up to run 25 miles one day and 25 the next, 50 in two days. I was running 50 in 3. I also need to increase my speed again. I would like to run a 9:40 pace again. There is a time limit on the Autumn Leaves 50 and for some reason, I got a lot slower when I trained for the Mt. Hood 50, likely because of the trail running. But, it is now time to pick it up again.


100 mile distance. For some reason, running a 100 miles entered my mind as doable easier than running those 50 miles. 

“If you can imagine it, you can achieve it; if you can dream it, you can become it.”

"If you can dream it, then you can achieve it."

I find myself running and thinking about the 100 mile distance: race planning, about training, getting a pacer, saving $ for it, etc. I've been reading advice blogs on how to run your first 100.

http://fellrnr.com/wiki/Main_Page 

I plan on running Rio Del Lago. It is traditionally held in September. I will run it in 2012.http://www.desertskyadventures.com/rdl/ 

For training, I will use the Santa Clarita Runners Club. I've used them for the past 2 50's and 6-8 50k's. Their schedule works for me. Here is a link to the schedule. http://www.trailrunevents.com/ul/schedule-100m.asp

I will be going from the 50 mile distance to the 100. Some wouldn't advise that, perhaps, I should run a 100K first. I don't know.In the back of my mind, I hear the quote, "at first you don't succeed, try try again." But, I believe I can achieve the 100 mile distance with proper training and a mind that is loudly saying "you can do it!" and a heart that wants it badly enough. I only have one life to live, why not take the risk? I say go for it Jeannie!

"Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go."