The Church Needs Your Joyous Spirit

I grew up in the church. I attended a Methodist church with my parents for many years until I started attending my first Foursquare denomination in my teenage years. I would initially go with my sister and brother-in-law before I could drive myself. I loved to go and would attend as much as possible. I enjoyed the high school and college age groups and Sunday morning and evening services. The Sunday and youth night worship was longer. I’d lie down in the phew, close my eyes, listen to the worship, and feel God’s presence. I never wanted to leave. And the church was so Spirit-filled. Every week, people were constantly being saved. The church kept exploding with growth.

Many years later, my husband, children, and I still attend church within the Foursquare denomination. Then, we were empty nesters. Our adult children attend their church, while my husband and I attend a different large church in Beaverton, Oregon. The church hit a rough patch with the spread of COVID-19 and sad times with a pastor. People left the church. Some came back; some didn’t. But it has continued to thrive. It is where we call home. It is where we have friends. The Spirit of God is always moving there, touching lives and mending hearts.

Being a part of a church is one of the great joys of being a believer in Christ. I want to look at what the early church looked like and its purpose, why people are leaving the church now, and why they should return. Before we look at why people are leaving, we should remember why God created the church in the first place.

After Jesus’s death and resurrection, the early church began. Known as the day of Pentecost, many were in one place when suddenly the Holy Spirit came upon them and rested. They were all filled with God’s Spirit and spoke in other tongues.

In Jerusalem, many God-fearing Jews from every nation were amazed at what happened but questioned the languages they were hearing. They even mocked those newly saved and speaking in tongues. Peter stood up and addressed the crowd in a powerful speech when he heard the Jews questioning the languages that they were hearing. In Peter’s speech, he points the people to Jesus to interpret the death, resurrection, and glorification of Jesus and the promise of the Holy Spirit: a gift to all believers who believe in Jesus as the Lord and Savior and put their faith in Him. After Peter’s speech, about 3000 souls were saved.

Looking at the book of Acts, we can see what the early church looked like. Acts 2:42-47 says, "They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe at the many wonders and signs performed by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved." This scripture shows us how God intended His church to look. When we look at the early church, we can learn a few things about its characteristics in studying the scripture from Acts: The church met constantly. They were utterly devoted to the Apostle’s teachings of the Word of God, as seen in scripture. They communed together, eating meals, including the Lord’s supper. They cared for each other’s needs through prayer, selling their possessions, and sharing the income from the proceeds. The early church was devoted to worship, praising God, and displaying goodwill towards everyone. Because of all these things, their hearts were filled with gladness, simplicity, and generosity. And the church grew.

When COVID hit and was spreading, the church and most companies had no choice but to shut their doors. The affects of the closures not only hurt many companies but also the church. Not being allowed to come together as the body of Christ was devastating. Churches started to have services online so that people could still hear the message from their pastor. At first, people were grateful to have some kind of connection to the church. People became used to watching sermons online, and it somewhat became comfortable until it didn’t for many. I remember the first few times we were allowed to get together. We would meet outside in the church parking lot during the summer months. Although thrilled to be back, it felt awkward, as if I were doing something wrong. Later, the church began to meet inside. You had to register for the service and get a ticket. They had plexiglass everywhere, and you had to sit in every other row. As COVID symptoms improved, the conditions at church slowly improved, and people let their guards down.

Soon after COVID, we learned that our pastor was being let go from his position for wrongdoing. His actions hurt the entire congregation. During the transition, I became bitter. We were not getting a lot of answers as to why the pastor was fired and who would be the replacement. After the congregation was told the truth, my husband and I processed the information prayerfully together. But we had enough; we needed a break and left the church for several months. We didn’t really go anywhere new. Honestly, we hiked on Sundays. We went a couple of times to the church our adult children attended and then tried out a new church. But nowhere felt like where God wanted us to be.

Thankfully, during the transition, the church was being led by an interim transitional lead pastor who eventually became the lead pastor, much to our joy. Months later, after taking time away, with rested spirits and new strength, the Lord called us back to our home church. We returned for our friends and because of the many people who’d walk through the church’s doors. These people needed a smile from others to mend their hurting hearts, someone who’d pray for them and offer a Godly word of encouragement, and needed to know Jesus. We knew God was calling us back to help offer that.

Around 40 million people have left the church in the past 25 years. It’s not just the Christian church but Americans of all faiths. 40 million, that’s a lot. There are other reasons besides COVID as to why people are leaving the church. Many leave because they were hurt by the church. I have so much sympathy for people who have been hurt by the church. I have sat down and heard many different stories about the disrespect, neglect, and even abuse people have endured, and my heart breaks for these people. I, too, have been hurt. But, I have learned that avoiding church altogether only brings on more pain through attacks of the enemy. I know this first hand. It hurts. I encourage those to seek help because we are the church; we don’t go to church. There are so many loving Godly brothers and sisters of Christ who would love to hear your story and will love you as only Christ can.

Other people leave the church because they have moved away or lost their friends who attended for one reason or another. With COVID, people had grown comfortable staying at home. They leave because of boredom. If you’re bored at church, you must ask yourself honestly why. Are you paying attention? Perhaps taking notes would help? My church has a sermon discussion group that meets each week. Maybe something like that would help you to understand the sermons better. But, if you’re going to the same church because you’ve always gone, all of your family goes, and you have never gotten anything out of the service, then yes, perhaps a church change is in order. Find a church that is better suited for you. But commit to going somewhere.

Another reason people leave the church is because they’re searching for something they feel the church can no longer provide for them. Or because it’s due to a change in family dynamics. Sometimes, it’s the children’s ministry. Some people have special needs kids, and the church they are going to can’t provide their children with what they need. Possibly, it’s time to look elsewhere if the church can’t accommodate you. Or, your kids are absolutely bored and never want to go. They’re kicking and screaming on the way out the door. I did this as a child, and I turned out ok. I waited until I thought I would get away with not going. But my mom always came in and pulled me out of bed. Finding a church with a good children’s program is essential. According to a survey taken a few years ago, more than 80% of people accept Jesus as their Lord and Savor before the age of 20. Our kids need the church.

https://ministry-to-children.com/childrens-ministry-statistics/
*2/3 of Christians came to faith before the age of 18.
*43% came to Christ before the age 12.
*Less than 1/4 of current believers came to Christ after the age 21.

When our kids were little, we’d take them every week to Sunday school, and they’d joyously go during the week to youth group. They, like me, grew up in the church because of our commitment to go every week. Because of this, they met many quality pastors who spoke truth into their lives and looked after them, and I contribute these people to helping raise them. Our kids wouldn’t have met these God-fearing men and women without us attending church. Our children would not be the Godly women they are today if it were not for the church. The Lord will reward your obedience for going.

"Attending church ever since I was a child gave me a built-in community where I can always have someone to lean on. It has given me a sense of purpose and direction in my life, through being a mentor to students or being able to grow in my skill of digital art."-Kayla Thompson.

Whatever the reason, know this: God never intended for the church to separate and not to be united. He intended for us to unite with a common purpose: praying, learning, and worshiping Him as one body of believers.

To the people who have decided they are done with church, you miss out on the command to gather together in corporate worship. From the amplified Bible it says in Hebrews 10:24-25, “and let us consider [thoughtfully] how we may encourage one another to love and to do good deeds, not forsaking our meeting together [as believers for worship and instruction], as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more [faithfully] as you see the day [of Christ’s return] approaching.” This verse encourages believers to gather together often and to encourage one another. I believe those who have stopped attending church miss out on the encouragement. By our presence, the presence of other believers, and our commitment to attending church, we can stir others toward loving one another and doing the good works God predestined for us. People need others. We were not meant for solitude.

However, you can absolutely stay at home and watch church online. Church’s have made this so easy to do. You won’t miss out on that aspect. But you should not make this a habit; other believers need you. You can indeed pray with your family and friends. You can have Bible studies and share in partaking in communion with others. You can do many things that do not require a church building. Why? Because the body of believers is the church. We are the church with the Holy Spirit dwelling within each of us. It doesn’t matter if we meet in a building or we don’t. I know a wonderful church in Oregon that meets in one another’s homes: they have worship, learn from scripture, eat, and pray together. They even have fun together, like a church meeting in a building.

There is a handful of things you will miss out on if you don’t attend church regularly. People can get out of the habit of attending each week. I get it; it’s easier not to get up early, rush to get the kids dressed, get in the car, and head to church in hopes you won’t fight along the way and will make it on time. There were many times I’d get upset with my husband or something one of our kids did before getting to the church. I’d be upset with my husband while worshiping. I’d be so mad. On the outside, it looked like I was joyfully singing the words on the screen, but I wasn’t allowing them to get into my heart because I couldn’t let the anger go.

You miss out on corporate prayer. This type of prayer means praying with others. There are many Bible verses about praying together. Matthew 18:19-20 says, “Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in Heaven. For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.” I heard about a young lady, Meghan, a few years ago who was born with a displaced kneecap. Through her church in Oregon, she went to a youth winter camp at Mt. Hood. She was prayed for during a powerful night of prayer and worship. Several gathered around her, laying hands on her, and they all prayed together. One person who laid hands on Meghan felt a tingling sensation in her hand. That night, Meghan was healed. She said she felt a warm pressure on her knee, and her kneecap had shifted back into place. There is power in being prayed for by other believers in Christ.

You miss out on experiencing the Holy Spirit dwelling in the church's fellowship. 2 Corinthians 13:14 says, "May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all." We need the Holy Spirit, who dwells in us, to empower us to live as God wants us to live: righteously. We need His grace, provision, revelations, and wisdom daily. But, mostly, we need His love.

If you have read my other blog posts, you'd know that my husband and I had a prophecy spoken over us regarding our wayward daughter. Long story short, we both were distraught and didn't want to be at church that night. We were on our way out when we heard the pastor speaking about a wayward daughter who would come home. I was utterly taken aback as I've never had a prophecy spoken over me. We heard this prophecy because we went to church that night. Prophecies are still happening. You can read about the story of my daughter on my blog entitled Wayward Daughter Coming Home.

God's Spirit dwells in every believer's heart. It is extremely powerful when we come together to worship Him. We magnify His name and angels all around us. All of Earth and Heaven rejoice. There are so many other things that you could do with your time than go to church on Sunday morning. But, giving a few hours of your time reaps so many blessings that they cannot be contained. You're not seeing the smile on God's face when you go, learning from His Word and worshipping Him. You can't see the angels surrounding your child when they attend their own Sunday service. The future impact that taking them each week has on their life and yours. Invest in yourself and your child. Make it a habit again to attend church because if you live in a country where you're not persecuted for your Christian beliefs, you're blessed. You are needed. The body of believers needs your smile, encouragement, wisdom and to see the love of Christ shining through you.

Rising Above a Victim Mentality

If we are to think back on our life and write our story, we're most likely going to highlight mainly the good things that have happened: moments that made us smile, the significant events, achievements, unique gifts given to us from someone special, the sound of the ocean or a memorable vacation. But you may also write about the not-so-good moments and lessons learned. Life certainly is full of good times, but it can also have bad breaks, sad times, and things that happen to us that are beyond our control. How we view and handle these trying times when they come will determine how fast we can rebound. If we're not careful when trials and tribulations come, we can get stuck in a victim mentality. God didn't create us to live in this state. He created us for good: To live happy, joyful, and purposeful lives. But, when we choose to continue to live as victims, we are not living how God created us. We can overcome a victim mentality through a personal relationship with Jesus.

A few years ago, I complained to my doctor that I was suffering from depression. After a few tests, she prescribed depression medication. Circumstances at that time were troubling enough to warrant the prescription. I was unable to handle my problems properly. Some were my fault, a few bad breaks, and others were beyond my control. At the physician's office, I scored poorly on the depression and anxiety quiz given by the doctor. I confessed to the doctor that I had thoughts of suicide, but I wouldn't have gone through with it. I didn't want to die; I wanted to live differently. That was in 2021. I've been on Lexapro for almost three years. 2020 and 2021 were difficult years. I read that antidepressant dispensing rose 63% during that time.

I would think, "Am I suffering? Sure, I have days of sadness. But am I suffering?" I have often wondered if my depression was due to perimenopause, bad breaks, or my responses to the inappropriate behaviors of those around me. But was I suffering? I'm married to a good-looking and God-fearing man. I have two healthy adult children, a home, and food, and I'm not living in a war zone. I always thought if you're suffering from something, you're stuck, wounded, and a victim who doesn't accept help and chooses to live in a hopeless environment. I've done this for a time. Depression hurts, and I've allowed it to hurt me. I've allowed my negative thoughts to consume me. But, I sought out help. Help from my doctor, family, and friends. I'm no longer allowing my depression to treat me like a victim, telling me that I'm unworthy and incapable of contributing to this world positively.

If you're looking for a story when the poor me goes to God and is instantly healed, this is not that story. I have often gone on my hands and knees, begging for God to help me, to heal me, and heard nothing, felt nothing. Nothing happened, and I was left more wounded, wondering why my Father in heaven didn't help me. But, when I look back, I was wrong. He was always there, carrying me through my difficulties. He is helping, just not instantaneously. Through the years, I've learned much about myself and have grown closer to God abundantly. I will give you examples of what I have learned up to this point.

I remember when God spoke to me in His gentle voice, suggesting I had become negative. I questioned, "Am I just like the Israelites because of my complaining and dwindling faith that my God will help me? Is this why I am not getting my breakthrough?" We'll talk about the Israelites later.

Enough about me; let's look at the Bible. Three of the Gospels talk about a woman named St. Veronica. She had suffered from bleeding for 12 years. She spent all the money that she had to pay doctors, hoping they'd heal her, but without success. Because of her bleeding, she was weak and unable to bear children. Back then, a woman unable to bear children suffered with shame. Their lack of ability to bear a child suggested there was sin in their life.

Because she had a bleeding disorder, she was considered unclean. She couldn't go to the temple. The temple was where people could experience God's presence and receive forgiveness for their sins. This woman was likely cut off from her family. If she were unmarried, she would likely be unmarriable due to her inability to bear children. If she was married, her husband likely would have divorced her, or he would have taken a 2nd wife to bear him children. This woman had no authority, wealth, or power. She had forgotten her value, and she had lost her dignity.

But she refused to live as a victim any longer. She was walking through a crowd to get to Jesus. She knew she'd be healed if she could touch Him. Because she was considered an outcast, going through this heavily populated crowd, she risked making others unclean if she touched someone else accidentally. But she knew Jesus would heal her. She believed that with all of her heart. So, she pushed through the crowd, and she touched Him. Immediately, she was healed. He turned around and asked who had touched Him. She, realizing what had happened, fell to Jesus's feet, trembling from fear, and confessed that she had touched Him. Jesus moved with compassion, looked at her, and called her 'daughter.' She is the only woman in the New Testament He calls daughter. When everyone else rejected her, and nobody advocated for her, Jesus looked her in the eye and called her 'daughter.'

Nobody can make you a victim; you have to permit them. God created us to enjoy our lives, be joyful, live purposefully, and help others. Don't hide behind your hurts. Satan wants to keep you in hiding. Come out of hiding; come out from behind what you fear, shame, and regrets. God can't heal what you keep hidden, so confess it to Him and allow Him to do the restoration work so you can walk side by side with Him in a close relationship.

The Israelites wandered the desert for over 40 years when it was only supposed to be an 11-day journey. They didn't like the long journey, the heat, the lack of water, or hunger. They complained a lot, their faith was weak, and they rebelled against Moses and Aaron and worshipped other gods. Even after God supplied them with necessary items intended to be a blessing, they still would not stop complaining and thus kept them in the wilderness. God supplied them with water and food; He parted the Red Sea to deliver them from Pharaoh’s armies. God provided them with His presence: He manifested Himself as a pillar of a cloud during the day to guide them and give them shade, and a pillar of fire at night provided them with light. We see in Exodus 15 that God says, “If you will listen carefully to the voice of the Lord your God and do what is right in his sight, obeying his commands and keeping all his decrees, then I will not make you suffer any of the diseases I sent on the Egyptians; for I am the Lord who heals you.” God was testing their faithfulness. But they kept complaining. To God, this felt like they were rejecting Him. They couldn’t trust Him as the God who provided, loved, and wept with them. But what does God do? Because of His unfailing love, He kept providing for them. He never stopped pouring out His love to them.

Don't be like the Israelites when you find ourselves in the wilderness, in the storms of life. Instead of complaining about what you don’t have, thank Him for the things you do have. Trust God to give you the things you need. Ask Him for those things with a spirit of praise and thanksgiving. When you do that, that’s when He will provide. Philippians 4:6 says, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Complaining will only keep you in the wilderness longer. It is displeasing to the Lord and causes you to doubt the goodness of God. Not complaining keeps you blameless and pure.

I recently heard a pastor say, "Complaining is always the response when we're powerless to change something we don't like." But you see, we're not powerless. We have the God who created the universe as our Father. He loves you more than anything. If you doubt His goodness and love at this moment and feel so stuck that you can't possibly do anything to help yourself, there is something you can do. It is so powerful that mountains have been moved, multitudes of people have been fed, and seas parted. That one thing is prayer. You can pray. It is a gift from our Father as a way to communicate with us because He strongly desires a relationship with us. And if you have even the faith of a mustard seed, He will help you. I heard about this 3-year-old boy whose mom was sick. He put his little hand on her stomach and said, "Jesus, mommy sick, heal." She was healed instantly.

Frida Kahlo is an artist from Mexico. She had polio as a child. As a teenager, she was in a horrible bus accident that left her with fractures to her ribs, spine, collarbone, a shattered pelvis, broken foot, and a dislocated shoulder. Frida ended up having over 30 surgeries. She could have lived the rest of her life as a victim, but she rose above adversity. Frida started to paint while in a body cast. She went on to paint over 200 self-portraits and drawings. They depict her pain from her injuries and turbulent marriage. These

paintings are bold, beautiful, and passionate. Frida writes, "I paint self-portraits because I am so often alone because I am the person I know best." And "My painting carries with it the message of pain." She is celebrated in Mexico for her message to women through her work. She truly is an inspiration of hope to many. Frida teaches us that even though you've been through a lot, put your feet on the floor each morning and keep walking forward. We all have the gift of being an inspiration to others. https://www.fridakahlo.org/

Joyce Meyer is an American Christian author, speaker, and president of Joyce Meyer Ministries. She was sexually, mentally, emotionally, and verbally abused by her father, beginning at an early age until she moved out of her parent's home at the age of 18. Her mother knew about the abuse. She had caught her husband sexually abusing Joyce. But she let her fear of her husband prevent her from helping her daughter. Joyce was saved at the age of nine and had prayed many times for the abuse to stop, but it didn't. Once Joyce was out of her parents' home, she married the first guy who showed any interest in her. But he, too, mistreated her. He cheated on her multiple times, would often be gone for days at a time, and he was a thief. https://joycemeyer.org/

Joyce had a high school degree; she didn't attend bible college. Yet, she began preaching the Word at a time when women didn't do that. Many years later, she is a very successful Bible teacher and author. Joyce refused to become a victim but a victor. She responded to God's call on her life. The story doesn't end here. Many years into her ministry, she obeyed God by buying her parents a home, taking care of them, and walked her father through his repentance and salvation. Joyce is also an advocate for other victims of abuse. Friends, don't let Satan have his way. Defeat evil with good. Joyce says on her website, "But God always had a plan for my life, and He has redeemed me. He has taken what Satan meant for harm and turned it into something good. He has taken away my shame and given me a double reward and recompense.

I heard that kids laugh as much as 400 times a day, yet adults will laugh about 15. I enjoy listening to Joel Osteen on Spotify while running or walking. Joel is a pastor and author from Houston. He is funny, and laughing is good for our spirit. I even started watching re-runs of the Golden Girls because they are funny! Watch funny shows and read humorous books. You'll find your spirits lifted.

God comes first. He needs to be a priority in your life. Spending time reading His Word needs to be a priority, as well as spending time in prayer. I read the Bible every morning. I read two chapters from the Old Testament, two from the New, 1 Proverb, and 1 Psalm. I've been doing it faithfully for over eight years. Reading the Bible like this works for me, but not for my husband, who has a full-time job and other responsibilities. He reads for about 15 minutes every night. Just because I'm reading more definitely doesn't make me more spiritual than he is. Not at all. We also attend church on Sundays together, a monthly worship night, and he serves in a different area at church than I do. This is what works for my husband and I. You may do something different. You may find reading the Bible works better at night or during your lunch break.

I'm learning to control the negative thoughts that come to my mind and recognize them for what they are: always garbage. But, if I let the negativity sink in, I can become bitter and upset. For example, I sent my newly married daughter a few texts one day, and she didn't answer me. She usually is quick to respond. So, I had the thought, a lie from Satan, that she was annoyed with me and I was texting too much. Well, later, I called her and cleared it up. She was busy and hadn't had the time to answer. That's all. If we'd learn to talk to others face to face or by phone, we wouldn't defeat the majority of the attacks from Satan nor live in so much bitterness and confusion. Our relationships could heal.

If you are dealing with hard times and feel like you're a victim, this is not how your story ends. You are not a victim. Lift your head in prayer. Let our Father heal you. Even if you think your faith is too small for Him to help you, He doesn't think that. Your faith is enough. Mathew 17: 20-21 says, “Because you have so little faith. Truly, I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”

Our heavenly Father loves you and wants a close relationship with you. He wants to help you. I want the best for my two children and would do anything for them. I love it when they stop by to visit me. I even let them raid our cupboards and fridge. LOL. I don't mind. Our house is their house. I love them. God is the same way with you. He'd do anything for you. His love knows no bounds, which means His love is 100% unconditional.

Get together with trusted others who want the best for you and talk about what you're going through with them. Make an appointment with your doctor. Seek out a professional counselor or try an antidepressant if needed. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having to go on prescription antidepressants. What's wrong is continuing to live in sadness and not seeking help.

You're not a victim until you quit for good. You are a victor!!

Wayward Daughter Coming Home

Update: I recently ran into Tim. We had a long conversation, and it went very well. I was so happy to see and hear that he is doing well. It was refreshing, and I'm thrilled for him.

This is in reponse to my daughter's post, "My book of Freedom." Her story of how she got out of an abusive relationship. You can read that on my blog or here:
https://heavenlystrength.blogspot.com/2024/03/my-book-of-freedom.html

There is not one part of me that wants to write this post. It brings back way too many sad memories. I have held off writing this for about two years. But it's important because there are quite a few parents whose children are in distressing relationships. That being said, there are many things that I could have written, but this post would have been so much longer and a bit embarrassing for my daughter. In my parenting, I didn't do everything right; I did many things wrong. That being said, I'm not even sure where to start, so I'll start with the end.

My daughter's name is Naomi. She is 23 and happily married to the love of her life, Spencer. Spencer is a very loving and patient young man who loves her, his family, and Jesus with all his heart. They live on his parent's property in a cute "mother-in-law" type home, surrounded by a forest with my two cat grandsons.

Naomi has always had a huge heart for God. It was her idea a few years ago that she and I go on two 10-day mission trips to Chacalte, Guatemala, with a team from church. A trip that forever changed our lives. Currently, she is attending church every week. She ministers to the youth at her church and desires to return to Chacalte for her 3rd trip, where we are sponsoring two teenage girls.

It hasn't always been so wonderful for my daughter. She lost her way when she was 16. She met a boy we'll call Tim during her Sophomore year in high school. Tim was not the right fit for her. I'm not sure where he is now in his place in life, but back then, he, too, was trying to be an adult too early in life. They met at church. He convinced her to move out of our home and in with him. She loved him and wanted her independence, so she left in the middle of the night.

Tim was somewhat likable by his peers. We noticed he talked a lot and had high energy. You barely could get a word in, however. But something about him was off. We didn't like him. I tried several times to get to know him, but my intuition was speaking loudly that he was a little troubled and not suitable for her. You see, with the help of a pastor, I was able to realize that Tim was emotionally and verbally abusing her. He, too, was a victim of abuse, and he likely was taking his anger out on her.

Naomi's sweet disposition began to change. She was attempting stuff that she wouldn't normally do, pulling away from God, and she was angry. She began to bring up sins from my past to discredit my parenting.

My daughter moved out of our home three times while with Tim, twice in the middle of the night, against my best wishes. They'd break up but quickly get back together. My other daughter would come into our room to tell us she had left. The first time she moved out, I fought it. I wanted her to stay, but I couldn't convince her. She called the police because she had the right to her stuff since she was 18. The policeman came into our home, with her outside. I sobbed, and he 100% sided with me, but unfortunately, she was an adult. He tried to talk to her as a father figure but could not get through to her. She loved Tim. There was an instance when she came back home to pick something up. We tried again to convince her he wasn't suitable for her, but she didn't want to listen. When she came out of the house, I told her she wasn't welcome at home. I can still remember the look she gave me. The words still haunt me to this day. I have apologized so many times, but it was a bad mistake.

One evening, when she was living back at home, she was coming back from a church youth retreat. I kept expecting her to return, and it got later in the evening. I left a message on her phone. But, her battery was about to die. She did text and left a message that she was at the fair. She didn't say with whom. Her phone went dead. I waited and waited for her to come home. When it came time for the fair to be long over, panic sent in. The worst possible thoughts I could come up with flooded my brain. I went down to the fair to look for her after talking with a police officer on the phone. The parking lots were empty. She may have taken her girlfriend home, who lives at a distance. I realized later that this was not the case. At about 2 AM, her car pulled into our driveway, and I fell to my knees, sobbing. I was so happy to see her; she was okay. Yet, she had been with Tim!

Naomi had been hired to house-sit for my husband's coworker, John (fictional name), for a few days in the summer. The man had two Dobermans, a fantastic setup for the dogs, and an excellent security system. She was supposed to follow a schedule for the dogs, which included a strict diet and having them inside the house early in the evening. She decided to have Tim stay the night with her, and the dogs were left outside until, well, until I came over. We learned about her bad deeds when John called Brett late one night to let him know he could hear a man's voice in the house with Naomi. Remember I mentioned his excellent security system? John could hear everything said inside his house whenever there was an alert. To sugarcoat things, I went over there and scolded both their asses all the way back to drop Tim off at his father's house. John later mentioned to my husband that he would never want me to be angry with him.

We belong to a foursquare church and were at a worship night. I was also battling with another hard decision. We decided to get a dog and were trying it out. It was terrible timing to get the dog. The dog itself needed a therapist. I decided two things that night: 1. I didn't want the dog, and 2. I didn't want to be at the church that night. So, after a while, we got up and left. We walked out of the sanctuary, going the long way back to our car. We could still hear what was taking place inside the sanctuary. We all of a sudden heard a prophecy being spoken over a family that has a wayward daughter. It was about us! We stopped in the doorway to listen. It was a few minutes long, but she mentioned that she would be coming home. I was stunned. I have never had a prophecy spoken over me in my walk with God. Even though I had goosebumps, I felt my spirits lifted. Little did I know, her coming home wouldn't be instantly and without more struggle.

A few days later, I heard from God. He said, "You know what to do." I started reading scripture over her daily. I would pray, get down on my knees and face on her behalf, and dedicate Christian songs to her. I'd invite her over to talk and told her I loved her. Not only did I seek counseling, but I encouraged her to do the same, even though it meant my image of being a Theology student might be shattered. That didn't matter; her getting help was most important. I spoke with a woman from our church over the phone, and one of the most important things that she said to me was, "God loves her more than you do." He wouldn't let her stay in this condition, far out of reach for long. God was going to bring her back to Him.

One of the afternoons, I tried calling her, but she didn't pick up her cell phone. I just wanted to know if she was alright, so I grabbed my younger daughter and went to their place. What I saw peeking through the window was extremely disheartening. That wasn't her. I saw someone troubled, in a bad place, who wanted out. This was one of several times that I had to go looking for her, even very late in the evening, and it didn't always go without the police being called.

They would break up many times, and she would always run back to him. She was being pressured to stay with him: pressure because she wanted to live on her own, and unfortunately, he would use sexual coercion to pressure her to stay. Naomi was being manipulated emotionally. She felt threatened, belittled, humiliated, and was often talked into having sex.

I remember praying desperately that God would send someone she could be just friends with for now and quickly. So, this person could provide a distraction. And I told her, you keep going back to Tim; you keep holding on to him with all your might. What you don't see is that God has someone better for you, but you can't see it." She eventually dared to leave him for good. When she used her willpower to leave him, God opened the doors of heaven, intervened, and helped her. Then, in walks Spencer...

I have since prayed for Tim many times, and I genuinely hope that he, too, has had a touch from God, is in repentance, and is doing the will of God. We hold no ill will towards him.

A few months ago, she told me she was raised right. One evening about a month ago, she and Spencer came with us to a worship night. When I saw her worshiping God with her arms stretched high toward heaven, tears came streaming down my face, and I breathed out a sense of relief, knowing things were as they should be.

If you too have a child who has lost their way, never, ever give up. Keep telling them you love them, and pray. Give it all to God, because he too loves them more than you do.

Photo by Kayla Horton https://kaylahortondesign.wixsite.com/kaylahorton
National Sexual Assault Hotline Hours: Available 24 hours 1-800-656-4673 https://abuserecovery.org/

My Book of Freedom

Written October 2021 By Naomi Horton, guest writer

I was in an awful and abusive relationship. None of my family and friends approved of it. They always told me that he was not good for me and he would drag my life downhill. My mom would sit me down at our polished dining room table with ice-cold water and plead with me to come back home. Every time, I felt the need to shrug her off because I loved him, at least I kept telling myself. Each time I pushed my mom’s words away, it reminded me of the truth I refused to confront. I was in a very toxic environment that I was in with him. I was sad and angry for many reasons, And I had let go of so many rules and morals for him. I used to be a youth group leader, healthy, outgoing, and organized, but that’s not how the world looked for me anymore. The culture of our apartment was unsalvageable as it seemed to mirror the relationship we had. Piles of random belongings sat in every square foot, and a designated mountain of trash sat next to the reeking kitchen. When he wanted the place cleaned up, it was just me tidying it up and him lurking on the couch with advantage written in his eyes. He had made all these different promises on trips we would go on and dates that would just linger in dying excitement. He was a liar, abuser, and cheater, and it was time for me to move on.

The day we met felt like another ordinary 10th-grade day for me. We were both going to our church’s youth group. The lukewarm air smelled like freshly grown flowers surrounding the church’s premises, and the leaves were just beginning to sprout tiny green leaves. When we met, my friend wanted to show me a guy she was interested in. She pointed him out from across the loud hallway filled with excited students, waiting at the youth room door ready to play games and sing their hearts out to worship. He made his way over to her, but her friend distracted her, greeting her with hugs and excitement. For a moment, he and I stood there like statues until he introduced himself to me. We hit it off great and kept sneaking in conversation during the entire service. After the message was over, we continued to talk outside in the dying sunlight. At this point, he was quick to open up about his past abuse and relationships. I felt strongly empathetic towards him. How could such a charming, bright guy go through that much for being so young? When it was time to go, we exchanged phone numbers and continued our conversation over text. I opened up to him too, which had no comparison to his tragic story. I never felt more ordinary in my life at that point. Some time went by, and after a few days of talking over the phone, he asked me out. Longing for love, I said yes. Little did I know that yes would trail into three long years of heartache and pain.

I was so desperate to get out of the relationship. I felt hopeless. Each day that passed, I became angrier and angrier with myself that I kept allowing time to pass by. I let down my family, friends, and even my beloved cat Braiden for not being his cuddle buddy at night.

I went to my youth pastor because I wanted to know if I was still allowed on the youth leadership team or not. With a deep sigh, she informed me I could not serve on the team and needed to work on myself. I felt sentenced to a life full of abuse and regret. Tears streamed down my face. What she meant was until I broke up with him and moved out of his place. I didn’t blame her. I wanted out too. It was hard to relax back on the soft fake fur beanbag chair, even with the humidifier spitting out soothing peppermint fumes on the corner shelf. I stared down at the floral church carpet zoned out with tears covering my face. I felt embarrassed and as if I had let down everyone close to me. I knew I wanted to leave him too. I was desperate to, but I loved him, and that’s what sucked. My focus zoomed back in on the book my pastor had given me. I wiped my tears away on my warm, cotton sleeves, now covered in smeared mascara, and took the soft-covered book from her hands. The cover has a tattooed-like picture of a heart with a dove flying across the middle trailing a golden ribbon with the bold red font, Swipe Right, by Levi Lusko. Little did I know, this book would save my future, my life.

The book Swipe Right is filled with examples of many happy relationships and lives that I hoped could be my own. My heart burned with inspiration, and it assisted me in looking at my relationship. I realized my relationship was genuinely abusive, depowering, and he was someone I did not want to commit my life to anymore. Reading this book also made me painfully realize I had no love for him because, in the book, the author describes his marriage and what a healthy relationship looks like. In the author’s eyes, relationships are not constant screaming matches or controlling in any situation. They’re supposed to be full of love, 50/50, and decisions that are made are supposed to be equally agreed on. I found myself in awe and jealousy. As I read, I became more and more eager to turn each page.

I may have taken away so much from the book, but my eyes and cheeks never remained dry while reading it. My relationship looked nothing like anyone else’s. I had no love for him in a very long time. Part of me still wondered if I could fix him. But each time I found hope that maybe I could help heal him, my heart split in two, reminding myself I couldn’t help him. I always tried to help him by talking about his faith, suggesting talking with counselors, etc. Nothing ever seemed to work out. It was hopeless.

After taking 11 weeks to read and learn the message in this book, more pain began to set in. As I compared my relationship to all the book’s teachings, I felt influenced. I put my foot down, demanding to myself, I am finally getting out of that unceasing relationship. I finally decided to move back in with my family. The minute I told my mom I wanted to come back home, I felt immense relief as if I had felt a raindrop in the middle of a California drought. Impassioned that same evening, I quickly but cautiously drove my way back to his apartment and finally poured out my bruised heart to him. It felt as if I had bricks stuck in my lungs that I could finally spit out. His vicious protest did not affect me as I gathered my things. It sounded just as pathetic when he used to yell at me like that before. “No! Do not fucking hang up on me!” He used to say on the phone with deep breaths of anger. Or “You're such a spoiled little brat,” said with fake laughter mixed in his words. Those words affected me back then, but they don’t affect me now. After shoving all my belongings into the trunk of my car, I finally took my car through the windy neighborhood roads for the very last time. I was so exhilarated to be back home and be back with my family into their loving, open arms, hearing them tell me with eyes full of tears how proud they were of me.

It was a massive wave of peace in my life knowing I’m out of the storm, and I have other opportunities in front of me now for a better life and a better relationship to come.

Although I may have gone through an ocean of pain and heartache through my last relationship, I can’t take myself to regret going through it because I had no idea how one little 200-page book could change the course of my life. I was walking through the bushes and stumbling over large boulders instead of taking the clear path. I am immensely grateful for receiving Swipe Right and becoming who I am today. I have a great family relationship, I’m back on the leadership team, and I just passed my six-month anniversary with the absolute love of my life, all because of the great experience I had with My Book of Freedom

Daring to be SOBERLY Different

Alcohol is a depressant that can alter our emotional state. It energizes us and lowers our inhibitions. We relax and unwind when it is consumed. Honestly, drinking alcohol, for most, is fine, but only under the right circumstances.

Alcohol advertisers spend about $2 billion per year on alcohol ads. So, through the media, we're constantly bombarded with alcohol ads. The ads suggest that after a long, hard day, we've earned the right to relax and have a drink. The ads say, "Going out with friends? Relax and have a drink! Are you stressed, bored, lonely, or need to relax? Have a drink!" Why has drinking alcohol become the catalyst for fun and relaxation? Is drinking the answer? We see our favorite celebrities and beautiful people drinking. They're laughing and having a good time. Advertisers have portrayed drinking alcohol as something good, happy, and even sexy because they are paid a lot of money to do so. We see these ads and compare what we see with our lives, which may be less than glamorous and a little lonely. We think that we, too, can be like those people if we only drink alcohol. It's a pressure.

There is this expectation in our society that by the time we are 21, we have earned the right to have an alcoholic drink. Young adults are asked, "Where are you going out on your 21st birthday?" "Who's going to be your designated driver?" And everyone close to the young adult wants to witness that "special" moment in their life. It implies that the 21-year-old is going to drink. Well, why not? They are finally 21! Right? That's pressure.

There is nothing wrong with most people having a drink or two. Many people can and will continue to enjoy drinking alcohol, and they will never cause any problems to themselves or others. But there is this constant portrayal of alcohol through the media that we won't be hurt by drinking, that it is normal and fun. In reality, drinking has a dark side. Alcohol is a drug and can cause problems. Drinking alcohol causes people to make bad decisions; alcohol can cause accidents, illness, disease, fights, abuse, sexual assaults, injury, and death. According to the CDC, about 178,000 people die from excessive alcohol use in the U.S. each year. When we lived in California, a teacher had a few drinks one night at an adult party, and he drove home. He ended up hitting another driver, and the victim died in an accident. The teacher went to jail. He was a family man and a well-respected teacher who made a terrible choice one evening and had to pay the consequences for a horrible decision. I also know people who have had a few too many drinks and have been seriously injured.

I have two adult daughters, yet when my kids were young, I was hurting from a situation that I was in, and so I drank to numb my pain. Back then, I'd have more than a 5-ounce glass of wine, sometimes several, or I'd drink hard alcohol. My bottom was the day when my daughter was in preschool. I had at least six shots within a few hours. When it was time to pick her up, I drove to get her with my younger daughter in the car. Luckily for everyone, I didn't have to drive far, but I was still in no position to do so. I remember putting them in my car to drive home. My neighbor was parked next to me, and I swore he looked at me strangely. For weeks, I thought he and everyone at the church preschool knew, but nobody said anything. I was so ashamed of what I did. For years, I didn't mention this incident to anyone until one day, I read somewhere, "What is kept in darkness has power over you." I knew that Satan had control over me in this situation, and so I confessed it to my Bible study. And, the roof didn't come tumbling down upon me. I was prayed for and delivered, and I felt so much relief.

Years later, I had my drinking under control. I spent many years as a long-distance runner between the time my kids were little and 2013. Running was my outlet, not wine, even though I enjoy it occasionally. I would have just one glass of wine. It was enough for me. After seriously injuring my knee, I was told by a physician that I wasn't an alcoholic but was addicted to wine. When he asked how much I drank, I sarcastically replied, "Well, a glass is considered 5 ounces, but since I don't like to follow rules, I have 6 ounces." I only had one 5–6-ounce glass of red wine for years. I even measured it. My husband always asked me why I needed to keep measuring it. Well, because I enjoyed my evening glass of wine, which came within the 7 o'clock hour, and didn't want to shortchange myself. If I had a late outing, coming home at 8, I'd still have a little. I was considered a wine snob. I told everyone that it was biblical to drink, as 1 Timothy 5:23 says, "No longer drink water exclusively, but use a little wine for the sake of your stomach and your frequent ailments." I didn't necessarily have a problem with drinking by any alcoholic definition: I was not an alcoholic. But it was a problem. And there was always this nagging feeling that I needed to stop my nightly glass of wine. I was addicted to it and became way too dependent upon it. As a religious person, drinking wine had become my idol. Instead of turning to God, I turned to my beloved glass of wine.

I was part of "fun" Facebook pages and groups that made you feel that it was OK to drink a lot. Some people admitted to normalizing drinking a whole bottle of wine. There were fun pictures with cute sayings that made drinking fun, even the photos with a woman with her head in the toilet. No, this isn't funny or normal.

I have been suffering from depression since 2021. My nightly glass of wine was relaxing. I looked forward to it. Yet, my nagging feeling that I should quit drinking became more urgent. I felt that if I quit drinking, I'd be able to sleep better at night. I took 1000 mg of Valerian root, 5 mg of melatonin, and 75 ml of CBD oil. Yet, it was hard to sleep soundly. I always woke up. As a person who loves studying and researching. I started studying. I learned that nobody with depression should drink alcohol. It is a depressant and can make depression worse, especially if you're not sleeping. Heavy users of alcohol can make their antidepressants less effective.

I quit having my nightly glass of wine on October 3rd, 2023, and have slept well since then. I have had some alcohol since then to taste, but I get overwhelmingly sleepy, and I don't want it. I don't want to drink. If you, too, would like to quit drinking alcohol for whatever reason may be, know that you are not alone. You can get control of it. There's no reason to be ashamed. For starters, I recommend speaking with your doctor and a trusted person. I also recommend the book Quit Like A Woman by Holly Whitaker. It is written for women, but honestly, anyone can read it and get so much out of it.