Saturday, January 31, 2015

If you’re in fear of your kids hearing you screaming out loud, you’re not doing IT right!

“The problem with putting others first; you've taught them you come second.”                                  

I read an article on ‘ghostmothers". It was a name given to mothers from the 1800’s who would hide behind a blanket with their child on their laps. This was a way of comforting and supporting them during a photo shoot, simply eerie.

Today’s generation of mothers are still hiding behind their children and it is time that we stop! Too often moms are putting their husband and kids needs first and their needs second. This creates women who have lost touch with who they are as individuals. We are not are kids, we are not our husbands; we are our own unique selves with our own thoughts, passions and goals!

My children are 2 years apart; they are currently 13 and 11. I love my kids just like any other mother. If you asked me to, I could talk nonstop about them. They are smart, unique and active in sports and school. However, I don’t talk about them nonstop and I don’t always allow their needs to come before mine. If you were to view my social media page, you would find that it is filled with mostly inspirational messages with little mention of my children. I’ve told my daughter she couldn’t play fall AND then spring soccer because quite honestly, my activities would get pushed to the side and ignored.

In 2003, when my youngest was 3 months old, I began the Body for Life program. My goal was to lose 20 lbs and I began by just walking up and down the townhouse that we lived in. This soon led to running for 20 minutes, 3 days a week until one day I ran out of the blue 9 miles on the treadmill. Man, I felt good! In 2004, I watched the marathon runners on television and I was so intrigued by them. I remember thinking, “I could do that!” I decided to act upon this desire when I received an invitation to train for a marathon a few months later. I put my beer down and looked up on the computer “marathon training, Portland, OR” and that began a series of one good, goal oriented decisions after another. Training, I had to wait till my husband came home because the kids were not in school and too young to stay home by themselves.  I ran in the evenings and on the weekends.  I was the mother of young children and I was actively pursuing my goals! For those who do not know me, I’ve run a 100 miler, 71 miles, 7 50’s, numerous marathons and 50K’s, along with triathlons. As well, I am active in Crossfit. I’m very goal oriented and am extremely active.  My kids have always known me to be athletic, with the most outrageously high goals.  A trait, I know they have ingrained within themselves. 

When you look in the mirror, what do you see?  If your old
boyfriend (the one you still are speaking to) came to your door in the next 5 minutes would you be horrified with the way that you look or hey no sweat, you look really good? Are you wearing sweatpants and a sweatshirt or have you dressed in a way that shows off your figure? Is your hair brushed, do you have makeup on? Or did you just throw whatever on from your dresser, clean enough, while your child is dressed in something adorable? What would you talk about? How are you doing? Would you talk only about your kids, after you apologized for the mess? Or would talk about a combination of your kids and your latest and greatest adventure? Personally, I don’t dress in sweats and baggy sweatshirts during the day. I dress well, I put my makeup on, I shave my legs  and I don’t do it for my spouse, I do it for me! Honestly, my husband is gone a lot; he works 7-5 and then heads to Crossfit or to coach basketball. I look my best for me and I feel good.

One of the most powerful women that I know is Norma Bastidas. Norma is a single mother of 2 sons. In 2014, she embarked in the world’s longest triathlon, a distance of over 3,700 miles from Cancun, Mexico to Washington D.C in 65 days. Her mission was to combat human trafficking and empower thousands of survivors all over the world. She also wanted to show her two sons that anything is possible; one of those sons has an incurable eye disease.  When I met Norma in 2012, she was running solo from Vancouver, British Columbia Canada to Mazatlan Sinaloa Mexico her birth city. I met up with her where I was living in Crescent City, CA.  You can read more about Norma here:

I want to see a strong generation of woman who are goal oriented;  women who have families, yet are out actively pursuing their goals! What do you want out of life for yourself? What are your passions and your goals? When you are thinking about your goals and writing them down, remember this quote: “If you imagine less, less will be what you undoubtedly deserve.  Do what you love, and don’t stop until you get what you love. Work as hard as you can, imagine immensities…”

Friday, December 19, 2014

Last night, another person found out that I’ve run a 100 and called me crazy. It isn’t the first time and it won’t be the last. Being called crazy gets under my skin, it isn't like the person in this case said it and then said congratulations on your accomplishment, it felt rude. As I was speaking very briefly to this stranger it occurred to me, finally, why being called crazy irritates me so much. It is because it simply speaks volumes about the person that says it and I’m not impressed by them. I always push myself hard in whatever I decide to do. I’m proud of my accomplishments so far even with my setbacks. I haven’t let them stop me for long and I don’t make excuses. I am around athletes who have high goals, push themselves and believe in themselves. I am someone who enjoys motivating others to better themselves. To me, crazy is never pushing yourself to be all that you can be and crazy is never fulfilling a dream. The majority of the population merely think about their goals and dreams and don’t take action, only to feel regret later on. I don’t think unfilled dreams are funny. I think it is sad. We were not meant to live a life of mediocrity. Life is too short and precious. Do you seek comfort or courage?

Saturday, November 8, 2014

"that I may open my mouth and speak boldly"

"Speak boldly and with intellect .Never hush your voice for someone's comfort.Speak your mind ,make people uncomfortable."

I’ve been reluctant to post this one until today when it hit me like a ton of bricks. I’ve kept this quote in my computer downloads for a few months. At first, when I thought of the quote, I thought of a bully towering over someone smaller and just yelling at them. It seemed rude. Make someone uncomfortable? I don’t think you should make people uncomfortable I thought.  Recently, I’ve changed my perception of the quote. I’ve been thinking of this quote and how it applies to my own life. People should be allowed to change and grow.  A person in a marriage or partnership needs to be able to grow and evolve or we get smothered and live a life of regrets. We really never are the same people we were 10+ years ago.  For myself, 15 years ago, I was newly divorced and in my party stage, I even pierced my belly button. I was probably more fun, drank too much beer and probably made a lot of dumb mistakes. But, I grew up, wised up and I believe changed for the better.

Here I am 39, less than 1 month until I’m 40 and I’m thinking about my life. My kids are 13 and 11 and the time until they are in college and out of the house will come quick, too quick. It in fact terrifies me! My biggest fear is that I’m going to look at my spouse and I won’t know who he is, I won’t even know who I am. My husband and I have been so involved in my kid’s lives; their needs and their activities. What about me? What about my marriage? What will happen to us? I’ve achieved a great deal already with my running, triathlons and motivational page. But, what do I want for the remainder of my life? What are my goals and my dreams? I feel so passionate about living more of a fulfilled life and, I will scream at the top of my lungs if I have to, to get my wants and desires heard! I will not be hushed. I will not stay silent!

What about you? What are your dreams and goals? Write them down and shout them out for the world to hear! Don’t stay silent. Don’t allow anyone to allow you to live a life that is full of regrets including yourself. Go crazy and make your voice heard!!

Then take action! Make progress towards your dreams and don’t stop until you’re satisfied. If you achieve one goal, set another and then another. “Don't be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I came across a list of the top 10 deathbed regrets, several of them are about living life to the fullest.

“Top 10 Deathbed Regrets:

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life other people expected of me.

2. I wish I took time to be with my children more when they were growing up.

3. I wish I had the courage to express my feelings, without the fear of being rejected or unpopular.

4. I wish I would have stayed in touch with friends and family.

5. I wish I would have forgiven someone when I had the chance.

6. I wish I would have told the people I loved the most how important they are to me.

7. I wish I would have had more confidence and tried more things, instead of being afraid of looking like a fool.

8. I wish I would have done more to make an impact in this world.

9. I wish I would have experienced more, instead of settling for a boring life filled with routine, mediocrity and apathy.

10. I wish I would have pursued my talents and gifts.

― Contributed by Shannon L. Alder

Monday, July 28, 2014

the art of chaos

Play video while reading

Cantaloupe Island Written by Herbie Hancock.
This version arranged and performed by Steve Arts

imagine with me. you are sleeping peacefully in your bed when suddenly your bed disappears, then your room disappears, next your house and you awaken in a square room with white walls, no windows and no doors. you hear nothing, not a sound. you realize you are naked in the room. your heart starts to beat frantically, the hairs on your arms, your legs, your face all stand straight up and you feel cold, you’re shivering, you’re panting. you suddenly hear a single drip of water fall from the ceiling, it drips to the floor and then another, another  it’s coming fast, filling up the room, it’s everywhere, the water covers  your head.  as you are desperately needing air, you turn to your left and you are in a grassland. you hear the sounds of 100’s of bees above you, you see an Eagle flying and it holds prey in its claws, it’s a baby! you suddenly hear a loud thunderous roar, there is a stampede of buffalo coming straight toward you, you begin screaming and you fall to the ground and you awaken in the middle of Broadway in New York City. you hear the sound of cars honking, 100’s of people are rushing by you talking, pointing at you and laughing, they are bumping into you left and right, you fall to the ground and you are in your childhood home. you hear the sound of someone typing, it’s you! you see your dog or is it your cat? the cat has the dogs head!
you hear noise from the bedroom down the hallway, as you get closer, you realize it is the sound of a bed squeaking and bumping into the wall, you peek inside and it is your parents having sex! your mother turns to look at you. embarrassed, you turn and there is a masked man pointing a gun straight at you, he pulls the trigger and you fall. you awaken and you are back in your bed, covered in sweat and nothing else, you sit up and realize there are landmines covering your entire floor.

“Life is nothing without a little chaos to make it interesting.” -Amelia Atwater-Rhodes