heavenlystrength: May 2013

It is very difficult for me to be standing up here today. There are no words to describe the pain that I feel for the loss of my father. The experience has been extremely hard.

I loved my father very much. My nickname for him was Bubba. He was my buddy. I have many fond memories of spending time with him. He was a wonderful father and I couldn’t ask for a better dad.

On August 23rd 2009, my family got together at a park in West Linn to celebrate my Father’s birthday. I had a nice, long conversation with him. We talked about the kids, running, how things were going. That was my very last conversation with my dad. 2 weeks later, my dad suffered his first stroke and he just was never the same. It was difficult to have a 2 way conversation. For 3 ½ years, I longed to have another conversation with him. I missed it deeply and I would have done anything to have another heart to heart.

January of 2011, my family moved to Crescent City, Ca. We lived there for 2 years. It was hard being away from my family, I missed them very much. I was very concerned for my dad. I didn’t like being so far away. We moved back to Oregon last month on April 13th. On April 28^th, the day before my father’s stroke, a lot of the family got together. I was able to give my dad a hug and spend a little time with him………… My father wanted to be helpful since his first stroke 3 ½ years ago. He really liked mowing the lawn; he did it nearly every day. He was almost obsessed with the lawn mower. So, as I was sitting at the kitchen table with my family on April 28th, my dad comes over and shows me a Wal-Mart ad. He was trying to talk to me about the lawn mowers that were for sale. I think he wanted ME to buy him another one.

From the time of my father’s stroke, I stayed with my dad for many hours each day prior to his passing. I never wanted to leave his side. I held his hand, his arm, I spoke to him, told him I loved him many times. I felt that I needed to be there as much as possible. I felt as if I was protecting him like he did for me growing up.

My father held me on the day that I was born and although it was extremely hard to witness, on May 2^nd, I held my dad as he took his last breath. My…..…. heart.….….broke.

I take comfort in knowing that my dad is up in heaven with Jesus, he is in better hands now. I’m sure he is mowing lawns and looking down at all of us with love. I take with me my many memories, his love for running and swimming.

Dad, I will smile whenever I hear your name and be proud you were my Dad.

I hate goodbyes, they are too painful. I don’t want to say goodbye. So I say, till the day we meet again. It’s not a good-bye, but see you later.

I love you Dad