My Confession

Last night, we hit a big snag in selling our home. I thought that we were going to lose everything. I thought that we wouldn't be able to sell our house and we wouldn't be able to buy our new home. We have a mortgage payment coming up, I thought I would now have to make that payment. I had a huge panic attack. I freaked out and I went into a deep depression. Instead of going to God and loving my husband, I pushed him away, even though he was hurting also and I didn't pray, I panicked. In the morning hours, I cried many tears, knelt and prayed.
When things don't go according to plan, I panic. I push my loved ones away. I don't want to be loved by them, I want things to be made right first and then I will love. When I pray to God, I am hopeful that he will listen to my prayer and the similar payers that follow in case he didn't hear the first one. I hope that he will answer them in the way that I asked. But, sometimes he does say no. Sometimes it is a yes, but I just don't fully trust that his way of doing things is the best way, so I try to help.
I need to learn to fully 100% trust in God and his plans and let him take care of everything.
I need to learn that my family needs my love all the time, even when I don't feel like giving them it.
This song represents where I want to be with my relationship with God. Trusting and loving fully even during the silence, pain and sorrow.

I Believe In Love lyrics

How long will my prayers seem unanswered?
Is there still faith in me to reach the end?
I'm feeling doubt I'm losing faith
But giving up would cost me everything
So I'll stand in the pain and silence
And I'll speak to the dark night

I believe in the sun even when it's not shining
I believe in love even when I don't feel it
And I believe in God even when He is silent
And I, I believe

Though I can't see my stories ending
That doesn't mean the dark night has no end
It's only here that I find faith
And learn to trust the one who writes my days
So I'll stand in the pain and silence
And I'll speak to the dark night

I believe in the sun even when it's not shining
I believe in love even when I don't feel it
And I believe in God even when He is silent
And I, I believe
No dark can consume Light
No death greater than this life
We are not forgotten
Hope is found when we say
Even when He is silent

I believe in the sun even when it's not shining
I believe in love even when I don't feel it
And I believe in God even when He is silent
And I, I believe.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zvhRlW6A1gk

New Daughter

This is a letter that I wrote and read to Brianna, my stepdaughter at my marriage to Brett.
I recently just found this letter, have been looking for it.
I think a relationship with a stepchild is very special and I cherish my relationship with her. I pray daily that we will always remain close and that absolutely nothing will ever come between us. It is important to me.

Unhealthy Dog Food

I heard somewhere once, "if you love your dog, then never give them something you are not willing to try" Sounds like good advice.
We are on our 3rd, different kind of dog food. The first was this organic food from Costco, not made by and we had no problems with it. Until they decided out of the blue to not sell it anymore. We then tried the Kirkland's Chicken and rice food. We did gradually changed him over to it. But this gave Boogie running poop, so then we tried Iams. He got a horrible rash and has lost his fur on his sides. I did some research into Iams and discovered that I am not alone, Iams is to blame for a lot of dogs skin problems and in fact is rated at 0 out of a 5. http://www.dogfoodscoop.com/dog-food-comparison.html
I was surprised to discover this as I normally have a lot of confidence in the products that Costco sells. Especially since it was the higher end in the pricing scale.
So now I have stopped giving him Iams cold turkey, am trying the Kirkland brand Lamb and rice. I am giving it to him gradually, but am also giving him homemade food for now. He is one lucky dog.
I am hoping that his rash and hair loss improves, if not I will have to take him into the vet and be charged over $100 for something that doesn't need to cost that much. The good news is that I really haven't seen him biting at himself. So, hopefully the new food is helping already.
Oh and I really am not going to try his food, just can't bring myself to do that. I tried to get the kids to, but they won't either. Oh well.

Texas Chili Contest

Funny. If you can read this whole story without laughing then there's no hope for you. I was crying by the end. Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is eve! n better. For those of you who have lived in Texas , you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the San Antonio City Park . Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield , IL .



Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted".



Here are the scorecard notes from the event:



CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI...



Judge # 1 -- A ! little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.



Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.



Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.



CHILI # 2 - AUSTIN 'S AFTERBURNER CHILI...



Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.



Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.



Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.



CHILI # 3 - FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BA! RN CHILI...



Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.



Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.



Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA . I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced from all of the beer.



CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC...



Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.



Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.



Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer ma! id, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That
300-LB woman is starting to look HOT...just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?



CHILI # 5 LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER...



Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.



Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.



Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. ! Screw those rednecks.



CHILI # 6 - VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY...



Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.



Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.



Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I shit on myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone.



CHILI # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI..



Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.



Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should ! take note that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.



Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the
4-inch hole in my stomach.



CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI...



Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.



Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mil! d nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. poor feller, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?



Judge # 3 - No Report

“Ability is what you're capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it.”

Picture is of Kayla in a race. (purple sweater) It was raining very hard, cold and she had a nasty cold. She was only 3 and still ran in it.

Dr. Seuss Tree

This is our Dr. Seuss tree. I call it that because of the way it leans from side to side and it is so thin. You should see it blowing in the wind, never did fall over, like I thought it would, through the strong wind storms throughout the years. I love this tree. It's one tough tree.
The top photo was taken during a fierce Winter storm and the bottom is a recent photo.

Eat your veggies, Kayla!

One of many repeated attempts to get Kayla to eat her vegetables.

Cheapy Cheapy

One of the things that I love the most about my husband is that he is so cheap, although I think I am worse. He made this ping pong table cause he didn't want to pay for a new one. Although it isn't painted in this picture, he has since gone and painted it to look like a real ping pong table.
Nice!
We could also talk about the $25.00 gas dryer he bought off of craigslist, or the $75 new front loading washing machine or the $300 brand new furnace, or the deck, overhead, fence, painted house, that we got for free. Even the $800 price tag on our new laminate flooring, cheap, cheap!
I could go on, but you get it.

Flower Photography

I love taking photos of flowers. They always turn out pretty. The first 3 were taken at the Annual Tulip Festival in Woodburn and the last 2 were taken from my house.I have a lot of my flower photos framed.

Annual Sunriver Trip

Naomi swimming at the Sunriver Pool
Crawling are way through a mile long cave that got smaller and smaller till the end. This last year, I took all my nieces and nephews to the end, using my runners head lamp.
Self in green, Brett, Julie, my kids and my niece and nephew
Brianna and I at the Trail Molten Land.
Photo of my girls
Silly brother Steve, always a laugh
Me in my lifeguard looking swimsuit and Naomi
Running of the horses. A every night event, fun to watch. When they let them loose for the evening.

My family has been going to Sunriver every summer since I was a little girl. I have only missed a few trips. As we are all older and have our own families, we still go every year and either have two houses next to each other or share a large home. This year we are sharing a large home. I have so many pictures, but here are just a few. We absolutely love going.

My First Race

I must had been 4 years old when I ran my first race. It was at the Elks Lodge. I remember standing in line for the race to begin. I was just supposed to simply run to my mom. My sister was in the race, I can't remember if my brother was. But I remember being so upset when my big sister passed me. I just stopped in the middle of the race and didn't go any further. I wanted the prize and thought I wasn't going to get anything because my sister passed me.
Well I did finish, thanks to my mom getting me to keep running with bribery and I did get something. I still have my prized possession today and keep it in my bedroom.
My turtle.

My dryer

We got a gas dryer off of craiglist a few years ago. It only cost $25.00. I have loved it ever since. It has only needed one repair and the total cost was $15.00. Each of our kids fit inside of it as seen. The man that is buying our house asked for the washer and dryer and of course I said no. Way too many memories with it. And it only cost $25.00!

Unique Sand Castles

Discovered on a visit to Cannon Beach, Ore during the summer of 2009.