A few years ago, I complained to my doctor that I was suffering from depression. After a few tests, she prescribed depression medication. Circumstances at that time were troubling enough to warrant the prescription. I was unable to handle my problems properly. Some were my fault, a few bad breaks, and others were beyond my control. At the physician's office, I scored poorly on the depression and anxiety quiz given by the doctor. I confessed to the doctor that I had thoughts of suicide, but I wouldn't have gone through with it. I didn't want to die; I wanted to live differently. That was in 2021. I've been on Lexapro for almost three years. 2020 and 2021 were difficult years. I read that antidepressant dispensing rose 63% during that time.
I would think, "Am I suffering? Sure, I have days of sadness. But am I suffering?" I have often wondered if my depression was due to perimenopause, bad breaks, or my responses to the inappropriate behaviors of those around me. But was I suffering? I'm married to a good-looking and God-fearing man. I have two healthy adult children, a home, and food, and I'm not living in a war zone. I always thought if you're suffering from something, you're stuck, wounded, and a victim who doesn't accept help and chooses to live in a hopeless environment. I've done this for a time. Depression hurts, and I've allowed it to hurt me. I've allowed my negative thoughts to consume me. But, I sought out help. Help from my doctor, family, and friends. I'm no longer allowing my depression to treat me like a victim, telling me that I'm unworthy and incapable of contributing to this world positively.
If you're looking for a story when the poor me goes to God and is instantly healed, this is not that story. I have often gone on my hands and knees, begging for God to help me, to heal me, and heard nothing, felt nothing. Nothing happened, and I was left more wounded, wondering why my Father in heaven didn't help me. But, when I look back, I was wrong. He was always there, carrying me through my difficulties. He is helping, just not instantaneously. Through the years, I've learned much about myself and have grown closer to God abundantly. I will give you examples of what I have learned up to this point.
I remember when God spoke to me in His gentle voice, suggesting I had become negative. I questioned, "Am I just like the Israelites because of my complaining and dwindling faith that my God will help me? Is this why I am not getting my breakthrough?" We'll talk about the Israelites later.
Enough about me; let's look at the Bible. Three of the Gospels talk about a woman named St. Veronica. She had suffered from bleeding for 12 years. She spent all the money that she had to pay doctors, hoping they'd heal her, but without success. Because of her bleeding, she was weak and unable to bear children. Back then, a woman unable to bear children suffered with shame. Their lack of ability to bear a child suggested there was sin in their life.
Because she had a bleeding disorder, she was considered unclean. She couldn't go to the temple. The temple was where people could experience God's presence and receive forgiveness for their sins. This woman was likely cut off from her family. If she were unmarried, she would likely be unmarriable due to her inability to bear children. If she was married, her husband likely would have divorced her, or he would have taken a 2nd wife to bear him children. This woman had no authority, wealth, or power. She had forgotten her value, and she had lost her dignity.
But she refused to live as a victim any longer. She was walking through a crowd to get to Jesus. She knew she'd be healed if she could touch Him. Because she was considered an outcast, going through this heavily populated crowd, she risked making others unclean if she touched someone else accidentally. But she knew Jesus would heal her. She believed that with all of her heart. So, she pushed through the crowd, and she touched Him. Immediately, she was healed. He turned around and asked who had touched Him. She, realizing what had happened, fell to Jesus's feet, trembling from fear, and confessed that she had touched Him. Jesus moved with compassion, looked at her, and called her 'daughter.' She is the only woman in the New Testament He calls daughter. When everyone else rejected her, and nobody advocated for her, Jesus looked her in the eye and called her 'daughter.'
Nobody can make you a victim; you have to permit them. God created us to enjoy our lives, be joyful, live purposefully, and help others. Don't hide behind your hurts. Satan wants to keep you in hiding. Come out of hiding; come out from behind what you fear, shame, and regrets. God can't heal what you keep hidden, so confess it to Him and allow Him to do the restoration work so you can walk side by side with Him in a close relationship.
The Israelites wandered the desert for over 40 years when it was only supposed to be an 11-day journey. They didn't like the long journey, the heat, the lack of water, or hunger. They complained a lot, their faith was weak, and they rebelled against Moses and Aaron and worshipped other gods. Even after God supplied them with necessary items intended to be a blessing, they still would not stop complaining and thus kept them in the wilderness. God supplied them with water and food; He parted the Red Sea to deliver them from Pharaoh’s armies. God provided them with His presence: He manifested Himself as a pillar of a cloud during the day to guide them and give them shade, and a pillar of fire at night provided them with light. We see in Exodus 15 that God says, “If you will listen carefully to the voice of the Lord your God and do what is right in his sight, obeying his commands and keeping all his decrees, then I will not make you suffer any of the diseases I sent on the Egyptians; for I am the Lord who heals you.” God was testing their faithfulness. But they kept complaining. To God, this felt like they were rejecting Him. They couldn’t trust Him as the God who provided, loved, and wept with them. But what does God do? Because of His unfailing love, He kept providing for them. He never stopped pouring out His love to them.
Don't be like the Israelites when you find ourselves in the wilderness, in the storms of life. Instead of complaining about what you don’t have, thank Him for the things you do have. Trust God to give you the things you need. Ask Him for those things with a spirit of praise and thanksgiving. When you do that, that’s when He will provide. Philippians 4:6 says, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Complaining will only keep you in the wilderness longer. It is displeasing to the Lord and causes you to doubt the goodness of God. Not complaining keeps you blameless and pure.
I recently heard a pastor say, "Complaining is always the response when we're powerless to change something we don't like." But you see, we're not powerless. We have the God who created the universe as our Father. He loves you more than anything. If you doubt His goodness and love at this moment and feel so stuck that you can't possibly do anything to help yourself, there is something you can do. It is so powerful that mountains have been moved, multitudes of people have been fed, and seas parted. That one thing is prayer. You can pray. It is a gift from our Father as a way to communicate with us because He strongly desires a relationship with us. And if you have even the faith of a mustard seed, He will help you. I heard about this 3-year-old boy whose mom was sick. He put his little hand on her stomach and said, "Jesus, mommy sick, heal." She was healed instantly.
Frida Kahlo is an artist from Mexico. She had polio as a child. As a teenager, she was in a horrible bus accident that left her with fractures to her ribs, spine, collarbone, a shattered pelvis, broken foot, and a dislocated shoulder. Frida ended up having over 30 surgeries. She could have lived the rest of her life as a victim, but she rose above adversity. Frida started to paint while in a body cast. She went on to paint over 200 self-portraits and drawings. They depict her pain from her injuries and turbulent marriage. These
Joyce Meyer is an American Christian author, speaker, and president of Joyce Meyer Ministries. She was sexually, mentally, emotionally, and verbally abused by her father, beginning at an early age until she moved out of her parent's home at the age of 18. Her mother knew about the abuse. She had caught her husband sexually abusing Joyce. But she let her fear of her husband prevent her from helping her daughter. Joyce was saved at the age of nine and had prayed many times for the abuse to stop, but it didn't. Once Joyce was out of her parents' home, she married the first guy who showed any interest in her. But he, too, mistreated her. He cheated on her multiple times, would often be gone for days at a time, and he was a thief. https://joycemeyer.org/
Joyce had a high school degree; she didn't attend bible college. Yet, she began preaching the Word at a time when women didn't do that. Many years later, she is a very successful Bible teacher and author. Joyce refused to become a victim but a victor. She responded to God's call on her life. The story doesn't end here. Many years into her ministry, she obeyed God by buying her parents a home, taking care of them, and walked her father through his repentance and salvation. Joyce is also an advocate for other victims of abuse. Friends, don't let Satan have his way. Defeat evil with good. Joyce says on her website, "But God always had a plan for my life, and He has redeemed me. He has taken what Satan meant for harm and turned it into something good. He has taken away my shame and given me a double reward and recompense.
I heard that kids laugh as much as 400 times a day, yet adults will laugh about 15. I enjoy listening to Joel Osteen on Spotify while running or walking. Joel is a pastor and author from Houston. He is funny, and laughing is good for our spirit. I even started watching re-runs of the Golden Girls because they are funny! Watch funny shows and read humorous books. You'll find your spirits lifted.
God comes first. He needs to be a priority in your life. Spending time reading His Word needs to be a priority, as well as spending time in prayer. I read the Bible every morning. I read two chapters from the Old Testament, two from the New, 1 Proverb, and 1 Psalm. I've been doing it faithfully for over eight years. Reading the Bible like this works for me, but not for my husband, who has a full-time job and other responsibilities. He reads for about 15 minutes every night. Just because I'm reading more definitely doesn't make me more spiritual than he is. Not at all. We also attend church on Sundays together, a monthly worship night, and he serves in a different area at church than I do. This is what works for my husband and I. You may do something different. You may find reading the Bible works better at night or during your lunch break.
I'm learning to control the negative thoughts that come to my mind and recognize them for what they are: always garbage. But, if I let the negativity sink in, I can become bitter and upset. For example, I sent my newly married daughter a few texts one day, and she didn't answer me. She usually is quick to respond. So, I had the thought, a lie from Satan, that she was annoyed with me and I was texting too much. Well, later, I called her and cleared it up. She was busy and hadn't had the time to answer. That's all. If we'd learn to talk to others face to face or by phone, we wouldn't defeat the majority of the attacks from Satan nor live in so much bitterness and confusion. Our relationships could heal.
If you are dealing with hard times and feel like you're a victim, this is not how your story ends. You are not a victim. Lift your head in prayer. Let our Father heal you. Even if you think your faith is too small for Him to help you, He doesn't think that. Your faith is enough. Mathew 17: 20-21 says, “Because you have so little faith. Truly, I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”
Our heavenly Father loves you and wants a close relationship with you. He wants to help you. I want the best for my two children and would do anything for them. I love it when they stop by to visit me. I even let them raid our cupboards and fridge. LOL. I don't mind. Our house is their house. I love them. God is the same way with you. He'd do anything for you. His love knows no bounds, which means His love is 100% unconditional.
Get together with trusted others who want the best for you and talk about what you're going through with them. Make an appointment with your doctor. Seek out a professional counselor or try an antidepressant if needed. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having to go on prescription antidepressants. What's wrong is continuing to live in sadness and not seeking help.
You're not a victim until you quit for good. You are a victor!!
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