"Running is a big question mark that's there each and every day. It asks you, 'Are you going to be a wimp or are you going to be strong today?'" Peter Maher'
Running the Mt. Hood 50 has been a goal of mine for about 2 years. So why have I not been thrilled to have completed it?
Most everyone knows that when we moved from Oregon to a Northern California small coastal town in January of this year that I was seriously depressed for months. Running became everything to me. I felt like it was all I had. I knew that if I became injured and couldn't run, my depression would be so much greater. Unfortunately, I injured my hamstring twice in one week in early May I think and had to drop out of a 50K to save my Mt. Hood 50. Plan worked. I healed. Lets not do that again.
In June and part of July, I helped a teenager for 30 days with extreme emotional problems and a hard home life. It began to affect me also because she is a loved one.
Training for the 50 became hard physically after I ran 31 miles, all my long runs were a struggle, I was tired. A few runs, I threw up in the forest. But I got through each of them. You can't tell me to stay home because of a cold or apparently flu or throwing up because of bad reactions to of the counter drugs. I think all of my struggles made me stronger, mentally and physically. A few runner friends got upset with me for still going out and running when I should have, but I just can't help myself. I mean, I wasn't dying. My legs worked fine.
After my loved one went back home from visiting, I began my + self talk, but I kept hearing in my mind, you're going to totally finish this.
Running this 50, the excitement wasn't there like when I ran my first. The week leading up to it, I was nervous, very nervous and not very excited.
Even have ran it, I'm not beaming with pride. I'm not thinking about it and glowing to myself like I was before. I think, yup did it! Now what?
Normally with every race, I get very emotionally attached to the runs. It gets in me, I even try to friend everyone running the race on Facebook so that we can experience it together. If I have to drop out of a race due to injury, it's always devastating. I think this is the reason why I successful at the races. I think "I am going to run this or die trying!" I feel that I have to run it, I have to finish. It is a need for me, not a want. This emotional need was there for the Mt. Hood 50, I was just so distracted by life.This is the reason why if you look back at my race report write up, it mostly is about how I felt running the race, how I felt afterwards. Where as some of my friends that ran the race, they talk about what was going on between aid stations, much more analytical and detailed.
Perhaps I am just a mileage junky. Remember when I mentioned that during marathon training, every mileage was just so much more exciting than the last. Well I ran my first 50 in Oct of 2010, 2nd in 2011. I've done it, I know I can do a 50 and really feel that a 100 is so achievable.
Other things that I wanted to mention about the 50 is that there was this girl that had passed me at mile 20 I guess. She passes me and mentions that she knew she was going to fast as she already fell 3 times. Well shortly after she passed me she falls again and I said "well that makes 4!" I have no idea who she was, but wished I knew how she finished the race.
"The body does not want you to do this. As you run, it tells you to stop but the mind must be strong. You always go too far for your body. You must handle the pain with strategy...It is not age; it is not diet. It is the will to succeed." Jacqueline Gareau
Great post Jeannie! I know what you mean when you talk about running a race and knowing that you can do it, and then wondering "now what?" Keep writing and keep running!
ReplyDeleteMike @ justalittlerun